Karlin, I'm sorry that you're feeling that suicide is the only solution. You asked 2 questions: "Am I being reasonable," and, "Why did the car shut off"
I believe that you can provide the answers to each of the questions, yourself. I cannot objectively determine when suicide is "reasonable." I have been taught through various avenues (including holistic medicine, and my own epiphanies) that there always exists hope and reason to live as long as there is breath in the lungs. As far as the car shutting off, again, I cannot begin to explain what happened, as I wasn't there. You are more likely to determine what happened better than anyone else. Sit with it. Think about it. Contemplate.
My personal view is that we are not given the choice as to when we enter this world, or what cards we'll be dealt in our hands. For me, personally, suicide has been an "inviting" solution to my many, many issues, pain, and conditions, but I've learned that even suffering has a point, and I'm not going to get into that discussion, here. Suffice it to say that it's final. There's no reset, there's no do-over, there's no taking it back, and the people that we would leave behind will be tortured by our actions, regardless.
Since you've already attempted a suicide, it might be time to contemplate a different route. Please, take time to visit the following site for some answers, suggestions, and hope: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
There are many things in this life that are still beautiful, even in the midst of my pain and physical misery. I take time, each day, to remember what those things are and that I am not going to let anything beat me down, today. I cannot predict what will happen tomorrow, and yesterday is done. Just for today, I'm facing Life, as it happens.
I wish for you the very brightest blessings of comfort and healing
It may seem putrid to you, but I would suggest urine therapy as in drinking your own urine. You can go to the UT support forum for suggestions but I've been doing this now for about eight years and here's what I suggest. Start with just a couple of tablespoons a day, perhaps for a week. Then begin working your way up to at least a cup a day which will take two or more weeks. You may have some diarrhea in the process and if you do, cut back a little but that will eventually go away as your body adjusts. Your urine may taste horrible in the beginning, but it will improve in taste (not your head) as you continue. That's what happened to me and yes I do go off of UT once in and while and when I restart the urine is strong but improves every time within a week.
Here's a testamonial from Cure Zone on UT improving body oder:
http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=124949
"My body odor still persisted until I started urine therapy. I know for a fact that the other things I've done helped cleanse my body and made it easy for urine therapy to finish the cleansing. I wouldn't recommend anyone to just rely on urine therapy and not the other ways of cleansing. Yet I have to say that it was urine therapy that improved my odor so much."
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