warned you! lol

Ok, I warned you it was long! lol

I didn't read any books on being an empath. Instead, I adapted what I'd learned about defining my personal and pyschological boundaries to handling these "weird" emotional overflows. In fact, it was only *after* I'd learned how to separate out my emotions from other peoples that I came across a mention of empaths and realized "Hey! That's me!"

What helped me most with learning how to separate me from other people were two books: "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud, and "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton. Both books are basically interpersonal and pyschological guides. Both have some parts I disagree with (sometimes very strongly), but they do explain good healthy interpersonal boundaries very well. They help teach you how to set firm boundaries so that you don't wall yourself away and yet you don't get run over all the time. Neither book is about gifts or being an empath, but both have some wonderful tools you can adapt to your gifts - learning how to step back, assess the situation, assess where you fit in, where you and your needs/wants/rights end and others begin.

I know it sounds confusing at first, but the first step truly is learning to think of them as GIFTS, not curses or weirdness. For years you've felt "different," well, we *all* are different! But, you are not alone!! You're not a freak or a pyscho, you're blessed! And you're already ahead of the game. You recognize your ability *and* used it when you were a child and even since. Plus, you're interested in learning more about it. It's the right time - you're ready! Time to dust off the old bicycle and start riding again, so to speak. You *already* know how, but because it was so misunderstood, you've just kind of forgotten some of it.

For me, since I'm a visual person, I explain it in imagery. Imagine your conscious mind as sitting next to your emotional self, just watching how you feel, not getting lost in feeling it, just watching it, like a pyschologist and a patient, paying attention, but not being drawn in. If you're more an auditory person, someone who learns from *hearing* things, then imagine your conscious voice just listening to your emotions. Whatever works for you!

The more you simply watch and observe your own emotions, the easier it is to see when other people's emotions are starting to affect you. Then find whatever works for you in separating your wheat from their chaff. =)

I say watch because the key is to get detached or objective about what you're feeling for just a few moments. Just logically *think* about what you feel and why you may be feeling it. Just how to sit back every so often and take a quick inventory. At first, it takes some getting used to, so I would "practice" at home just checking how I felt, thinking of what was going on around me, seeing if what I felt matched what I was experiencing and seeing and hearing. Learning to identify the "flavor" of my own emotions.

(Aside: It's amazing how powerfully we can pick up on the emotional triggers from television! I found I have to be careful what I watch, look only for positive stuff and avoid the negative. Stuff like TV news, sensationalist talk shows, and horror movies are major No-No's for me!)

It's like starting work where your job is to take inventory of a bunch of widgets. At first, you have to identify the widgets and where to find them and so on. After you've done a few inventories, you know where everything is and you have a system. After you've done a lot of inventories, you can pretty much tell someone what kind of widgets you have and where they are on the shelf without even looking. Each time it gets easier and faster. And you know *your* widgets! If someone brings a new widget in, you can spot it almost instantly because it's not one of *your* widgets. Now I can do a quick emotional "inventory check" in just seconds.

A quick check can be something like "Ok, I'm feeling angry, why? My boss just dumped a lot on my desk without even caring how much I have to do." That's *my* anger and I can deal with it accordingly. Or someone just came in and started telling me their problems and now I notice I'm starting to feel all depressed and anxious. Whoa! That's *their* emotions! Now I can deal with them accordingly, too.

Ok, so you can tell the difference, now what? Just how do I "deal with them accordingly?" The main thing is learning to firmly say "these aren't mine and I don't need them" in whatever way works for you. Just being able to say that may be enough. I use all kinds of mental pictures, but other people may think more of a conversation where the logical mind tells the emotional to separate out the emotions.

For me, I either mentally "box up" the emotions and imagine handing them back (like a gift), or I see a broom "sweeping" them out of my little room, or even imagine scooping up the "really" negative emotions and dropping them into a trashcan (just like when that inconsiderate neighbor lets their dog leave his "presents" in your yard, lol.) Oh, one of my favorites is a screen door, the breezes (positive, energy giving emotions) flow in, but the bugs (negative draining (life sucking) emotions) stay out. I love that last one because I always give the "bugs" cartoon faces and mentally seeing the little "cartoon bugs" just makes me giggle inside. The more positive *my* emotions are, the easier it is to keep *their* emotions out, so that little giggle helps a lot (just don't let it out and giggle at their problem! lol)

If I *know* I'm going into a situation with a lot of strong emotions, like a hospital or a funeral (two of the worst, all those scared, hurting people), while I'm getting dressed I do that shield trick I mentioned before. Most times, though, I prefer to let other peoples' emotions wash over me, like water off a duck's back. Just flowing around me, but not soaking in. That allows me to use my feelings just like my eyes or ears. I can still feel what they do and "tune in" to respond to the emotions and without being swamped by them.

Letting them flow around me is also kind of like an early warning system in a way as well. Just like that "scanning" stuff I mentioned earlier. It gives me one more 'sense" for checking out my surroundings. It also helps in being able to surround myself with positive energy charging people (like Tracey mentioned) while avoiding the more energy draining types. Everyone has their down times, but we all know those really negative people who *always* look for the worst in anything and everything. I now choose not to closely associate with people who routinely stay negative. I don't have as many "friends" as I did before learning how to trust my 'gifts", but the ones I have are much closer, healthier friendships. =)

Ok, so, there's the imagery, but what makes it *work*? Love. I know, it sounds kind of hokey, but I really think it's true. Love helps you filter out the negative stuff. Love naturally works on the most positive level. Love is the power behind the image. Don't worry if you feel like you can't love everyone, you don't have to! Just a little love is all it takes. A little love goes a long way.

See, for years, I didn't love myself at all and I had to build walls to keep out the emotions. However, those walls kept out the people too, so I ended up pretty miserable and messed up and feeling very alone. The more I learned to love myself, the easier it was to use those filters. What had I done differently besides just use the imagery? I learned to love myself! Such an obviously simple little concept that just eluded me for so long because it *was* so simple and obvious! Honest, that's all the power needed to power the filters, to "run the shields" (as they say in Science fiction movies! lol) It was loving myself that helped me keep out the negative stuff. I knew I didn't need all that negativity, but mostly, I no longer felt I *deserved* it!!

Since learning how to use and trust my gifts, and to love myself, even the most negative people don't drain me. Oh, there are times, especially when tired, when things still bleed through under my "radar" but for the most part I can leave other peoples' baggage firmly at their feet and not have to carry it around with me anymore. I usually only get drained when I "project" emotions out. Although, as Tracey and I discussed, I'm working on learning how to do that without draining my own energy any more. Learning how to tap into all that Universal Love out there. I mean, if that little bit of self love works so well, imagine what wonderful, powerful positive emotions can be sent out by tapping into THAT awesome source!!

Oooh, it's such a wonderful and exciting gift!!

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