Re: I truly despise my mother. I really do.

I think you are deeply hurt by your mothers actions or lack of. Although its so hard to see, but she does love you, of course she does. She just didnt know, or was not taught how. Her father and mother most likely did not teach her, or show her love. If you say she has a pull towards your brothers, then maybe she was not loved because she was a female.

Cut her some slack. Do you know what its like to become pregnant for nine months, and go through labor to the point where you think your going to die, then stay up all night feeding and changing a newborns diapers around the clock. ? So its " natural " to have a baby and raise it, but that does not mean it wasn't one of the hardest things to do!

She may have made a lot of mistakes, but look at people who have been in worse situations..... incest,drugs,foster homes,etc. It could be worse, so look at people below you so you may see your blessings.

I know your in a lot of pain. Maybe you are more a sensitive type of person and you see your mother as hurting you or having not done things but not feeling your pain?
Trust me- she does not remember, and does not know how. You have to look at it this way:

She is your mother
You cannot choose your family
This is your family
They dont know what your going through- they dont feel how you feel.
They love you- even though they may not show it how you'd want.
Accept them and dont expect them to change now.

What ever is bothering you, seek out books on the subject, read, talk to a friend.

It sounds like you want to start your life anew. Do it. Go to school part time, work part time. Strive. Set goals, plan to be independant.

Stop trying to get back at her by using her. Although your mad you cannot go about it this way. I think your mad because you may not be happy with your life and you are BLAMING your mother for everything. This is SO WRONG. Get up and do something about it. Start respecting yourself and start respecting your mother.

Love yourself and you will feel love. Angry all the time? Do you think your mother should pamper you and give you everything like a queen? You are 22. You have the world before you. Read all you can to regain your health. Dr. Clarks books are a must for you. Read and love yourself. Ask God to heal you inside and out, your body and soul. Ask him to guide you and keep you safe. All the while striving to make out of life what you desire.

Stop wallowing in anger and blame.

Start living and loving, accepting what is and what was and start by changing your future. Start living, stop hating.




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