We're on the same page...:-)

I see forgiveness as a way to release the bitterness so that there is room for healing, but in no way do I see forgiveness as a means to pat someone in the head whose actions have been totally reproachable. In cases were there is any kind of a toxic relationship, I always say, "let 'em go and leave". In no way should anyone, whether a child, spouse or whatever, feel like they should have to erase all the records of wrongs in order to become a doormat again. No way!
I agree with you that forgiveness is different things to different people. I have heard the total unconditional forgiveness line myself, in which as you say, it leaves the perpetrator a ticket to repeat offenses. I don't think this is what forgiveness means even in the strictest Christian sense. I also believe that people who see it that way are using religion in a way to suit their own understanding and personal comfort.
I also don't think that forgivenesss requires in every case that you go up to the person and say I wimpy "I forgive you" when there has been no repentance or willingness to change out of that person. It is simply a decision you make inside of yourself (and before God, if that's where you are) that you will no longer carry the destructive anger and bitterness, or desire for revenge, but that you'll work on who you are and what you are to become. This is a whole diferent ball game, and it is what even the strictest followers of Christianity can and should strive for. Then again, I don't believe for one minute that someone who is NOT a follower of Christianity can be made to follow the guidelines of what they don't know or accept, but that's a whole other topic, different forum...:-) Although, now that I'm on the topic, there is also a verse in scripture that says that parents are not to mistreat or exasperate their children, how 'bout them apples, huh? Say nothing of the fact that the "rod" of correction does not mean hitting with a stick, but people conviniently ignore these things so they can bent their anger on their kids with an excuse....
If you had/have kids Mr.Cooties, you must be a really good Dad ~♥~
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