Re: We've all done that!

"You will be just fine and you'll be wiser for your experience".

My experience being a victim of narcissism was that I grew up in a dysfunctional family where I was the captive of a family full of people with narcissistic TENDENCIES. So, my experience with narcissism is not exactly the same as many on this forum, I was not a victim of narcissism only as an adult, but as a child without the same opportunity of escape. I felt the heartbreak of blood betrayal over and over. I learned to accept denigration as the proper way of love and as the kind of love that I deserved (born for scorn). We have been CONDITIONED to accept this kind of treatment, not just at home, but from strangers also. We have to realize that we have GROWN a low self-esteem and we will continue to accept it (subconsciously) UNLESS we take stock in ourSELF.

Usually, when someone asks why we did a certain thing, we will habitually/instinctively answer "Well, that's just ME". When I was 46, I heard someone talking about their job search and they said "I would never take a job that I didn't LIKE or WANT". That sentence was interesting to me (at the time I wasn't sure why). The next day, I wondered why I couldn't get that sentence out of my head, I was fascinated by the idea that I could also "LIKE" and "WANT", after thinking about it for a couple of days, I became daring enough to believe that I can (and even BELIEVE/deserve and have the RIGHT to) also "LIKE" and "WANT", but even then, I was still fascinated with the word "I". I realized that the word "ME" only REFERS to yourself and that the word "I" DECLARES YOUR EXISTENCE.

"ME" is an inferior word (of course there are times when it must be used, eg. "They called ME on the phone", but it is not a good word to use to DESCRIBE yourSELF. So, when someone asks you why you did something, tell them "I have my reasons" (unless they really want to LEARN, but usually they're just "busy bodies" because they only want to ARGUE/contend with you,...CONTENTIOUS).

Whenever a scheming fast talking person meets someone who is a noble, decent caring person, the "schemer" feels uncomfortable and resents the decent person as an affront to a scheming, conniving conscience (the decent person makes them look bad,...offends their conscience and their ego). Schemers will continuously try to find a reason to argue and contend with you (when they realize that YOU WANT TO BE A "GOOD" person, they will use that to MANIPULATE you, don't be good, be fair). You will find that your natural inclination is to allow silly/unreasonable controversial arguing and consider it ACCEPTABLE and just. Be aware of this, you have been conditioned to have low self-esteem. But the truth is, because you now know (and UNDERSTAND) what suffering truly is, you now have the ability to think with the heart (INSIGHT/wisdom). You have the ABILITY (just because you have it, doesn't mean you have to use it, in time, you'll be skillful and gentle to use it properly) to verbally rip that schemer apart (but be mercifully gentle). Because you now know what suffering truly is, you can be more of a person than you ever thought possible, but BE ALWAYS AWARE that you have been "conditioned", and be aware that you will always be a target for those who talk fast (they are distracting/trying to ignore conscience) because they see that you lack insecurities (it's actually a jealousy). Be aware of SEMANTICS (word usage). Schemers choose their words carefully to use them against you and convince you to feel guilty about anything and everything (schemers ARE narcissists, it's all about CONTROL).



You will be just fine and you ARE wiser for your experience.