Re: I left him today

Ah-yeah, leaving a narcissist is one of the most difficult things that a person can do, whether it's a friend, lover, sibling, parent, etc. We grieve for what we believed them to be and for our own naivetee in not being able to sense the danger that they presented.

From my own experience, there were actually times after I left my ex when I questioned myself, "Was it really THAT bad?" Then, I would remember my children laughing hysterically while he would punch me so hard in my upper arm as to render my arm useless for an hour. Of course, like all good codependents, I would pretend that it was all in good physical fun. The times that I would complain about the damage being inflicted, I would be ridiculed for being "...a pussy..." in front of my children. I would remember him screaming at me in front of our children that nobody in the family would eat unless I got money from one of my parents. I remember, vividly, his demanding that I engage in sexual perversions because "...a good wife obeys her husband..." and, when I would refuse, he would either tell me how I would "...go to Hell for disobeying..." his "...commands...," or how I was "...an amoeba that's gone lesbo."

In five years, you will be able to look back, thank your lucky stars, and feel relief that you left when you did. And, on that note, I want to remind you that leaving an abuser (narcissist, or not) is dangerous in, and of, itself. He will whine, cry, promise, beg, demand, and threaten in order to have his trophy returned to him, but they are all strategies: once we go back to an abuser, we are deliberately putting ourselves into Harm's Way - we know what they are and going back is never a viable option.

Again, best wishes to you in your journey to healing!