Hey Jimsgirl, just wanted to comment on your idea of me initially feeling sorry for him... actually for the first six months I knew G he was a total dreamboat, I mean charming, kind, fascinating, sensitive: you name it. There was nada to feel sorry about. Then, presto, things started to change (funny, in retrospect I think it happened just after we got married...and yes, if you calculated right we did get married 6 months after meeting eachother, a real Brittney Spears type decision LOL -I mean, I can laugh right?)... but yes, that is an issue. Just as many times as I have wished I were anywhere else but here with low-grade anxiety waiting for him to come home and some scene to erupt, I have gone the line of "no-ones perfect, who am I to judge and not try to understand..." The latter line of thinking is a large part of why I am where I am today. There is always that dilemma, and inclination towards empathy, especially if you are trained to be empathetic and sweet per society's concept of woman, read grown-up version of good girl. Moreover, if, like myself you come from a particularly unhealthy family environment, one becomes very prone to GUILT. Deep down inside, maybe not even consciously, you feel like you deserve it, or deserve no better anyway, and it is somehow your fault, hence you try to actually adjust to/appease his violent self. Anywayz, as a wise person said 'you have to help yourself before you can help anyone else' and I do think that is true.. hence I am planning my escape, after being blessed with an, actually several, affirmative wake-up calls to get me going and get in touch with reality again.... Best wishes. "And then there was light"