Look sweetheart, I'm really in a big rush today and don't have the time to give you my complete answer. But it doesn't matter. Sooner or later a poster named Soulful Survivor is going to come in here and give you a brilliant ananlysis from her own experience into your situation. PLEASE NOTE EVERY WORD WHEN THAT POST COMES ALONG!!!!!!!!

There are some other people on this board who will also give you fantastic advice, so please heed it and save yourself.

You are in a dire situation, and I'm just very thankful that you happened along this site, it is full of caring, wonderful and wise people. Take it like divine guidance and follow through!

I'll be checking in in about a couple of days. Many blessings to you sweetie!

Get out. Get out now.

Right now.

There are private shelters that will house you. Top secret shelters all across America. Private homes who will take you in and shelter you until you can be safely transported to a permanent transitional housing location.

(I know because my husband and I looked into becoming one of those emergency homes before the baby was conceived.)

What state are you in?

OMGoodness, honey ... get out now.

Get out and NEVER look back ... take with you only what you can easily carry in two bags.

Where is Sweet Soul? You need to listen to THIS survivor!!!!

No one has a psycho SIDE (where one part is acceptable and another part that is not). A person is either psycho or they aren't. That means that a sane person is NEVER [allowed to be] psycho. His violent psychotic behavior is the kind of person he is. He feels free to be "psycho" with you because he knows that are not going to break every bone in his body (he would like to be that way all the time, but he knows that he would either end up in jail or dead). Not only is your life at stake, but the lives of your children also, if you have any. The deadly situation is real, the psycho situation is real. No human being would ever talk freely about killing someone else (especially if one is already deceased) unless they were psychotically dangerous (not just insane, but a killer). More than that, he says this as part of a LOVE relationship????? You have been psychologically conditioned to think of all of this as normal (sane),...IT CERTAINLY IS NOT!

Whether anyone would try to convince you that he can change or not (yes, a team of navy seals could possibly change him after 5 years, I doubt it, he is one step away from being a serial killer), he will not change. The question should be...WILL he change? The answer is NO because you can't make him change. Alert family and relatives, alert the police and a good lawyer, get a dog that is capable of being a threat to your husband whenever your husband becomes a threat to you (be good friends to the dog and don't let your husband be a better one), and if possible get an electronic alarm system that will call the authorities whenever there is trouble, but remember, he CANNOT change, he is a killer and has a killer's mind (he may already be wanted by the police and just never got caught because he changed his identity), he is not just a 'meanie', he speaks of "killing".

The reason evil has been happening repeatedly since time began is that excuses were made that it should not be considered 'unacceptable', bad, undesirable, etc. Your husband also gives you EXCUSES (keep your mind straight and don't let him convince you that his behavior is "OK"). You are being psychologically conditioned (trained) to accept his abuse (he is glad you are being a good little soldier and letting yourself be brainwashed). You are starting to learn guilt and shame very well. You wrote...

"feeling completely worthless and incompetent and completely, stark crazy".

A truly and completely depressed person cannot realize their sorry state (situation) as easily and clearly as you do (I think that you are sad and depressed that you are in a depressing situation, but don't let him convince you that are mentally unstable, his behavior is not your fault and you do not deserve it). You are not MAKING a "BIG DEAL", it is a "big deal".

"why are you making such a big deal, just be happy and get over your depressed state. He shouldn't determine how you feel, shake it off, when you exhibit your weakness, that is when he attacks, the problem starts with you" .... Can he change? What are the chances? When we talk about these things, he is sincerely remorseful, it is as if he can't control himself when his ire overcomes him and he becomes downright frightening".


Do not shake it off (it is a big deal), do not GET OVER IT (don't brush it off, it's serious). Of course he shouldn't be causing you to feel this way (no husband should). In ANY friendly relationship (especially a romantic one), there should be no exploitation of the other person's weakness, in fact, any weakness might be viewed with fondness. Keep your head straight, the first thing he does is train you psychologically to accept shame, guilt, humiliation, intimidation, abuse and low self-esteem so that you will allow abuse.

He is not SINCERELY remorseful (he wants you to think he is, he also wants to think he is, this way he can think good of himself, he needs you to feel guilty enough to forgive him and justify his behavior). He does need you (to accept his guilt and to allow him to feel as though he is a good person,..whether anybody else does or not, he doesn't feel like a good person because the truth is,...he is NOT).

Visit the NARCISSISM forum, he is not just a narcissist (he speaks of "killing", he's a killer), but you will learn how he has psychologically conditioned you.

You are depressed because your life is centered around terror and drama. You are in denial about the abuse that you've endured because it's a NORMAL reaction - we do not want to admit that we've made a serious error in judgement and, in my case, I stayed with my abuser because I wanted desperately to prove everyone wrong about my foolish choice. I was determined to fix things and force it to work.

Have you ever called the police during one of his attacks? Have you ever filed charges? Has he ever been taken away in handcuffs? If not, he feels and truly believes that he is impervious to the Law. Whatever your cultural differences are does not excuse or explain willfully inflicting pain, violence, terror, fear, and despair on another human being. There is no reason or excuse that allows for this type of behavior, EVER.

The emotional attachment that we feel is due to our own fear of risk and the unknown. We don't want to be damaged, but we are terrified that the damage will be even worse when we leave. We fear that we will lose everything. We fear that we'll have to start over. We are afraid that they will follow through with their threats to kill us or "make (us) pay." The "sweet and thoughtful" aspect of this Thing is a show for you - to keep you off balance. The "good times" can never outweigh the damage that he's inflicted on you and your children, if there are any involved.

You are in iminent danger of being killed by someone that you think you love. What you "love" about this monster is what SHOULD have been or COULD have been. My dear sister in Life, he will never stop and you will surely die at the hands of someone that you trusted unless you do something, NOW.

If you have children, pack them up, take ONLY important documents (SSCard, birth certificates, etc.), CLEAN OUT THE JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT, and get to a women's shelter, tonight. Do not tell him that you are leaving. Do not tell ANYone (including family) that you're leaving. Tell nobody. Do not leave your computer behind for him to find out what you've been doing. He WILL find out and he WILL start looking for you.

I cannot stress how much danger you're in. This Thing does not love you. You mean no more to him than a broken wrench and that is exactly how he wants you to be: broken, worthless, hopeless, and helpless. You are more than that to the Human Race. You have value, you have talent, and you are beautiful. Run, sister. Run and be safe.

http://www.surviving-abuse.com




http://www.ndvh.org


http://www.doe.org


http://www.ncadv.org


http://www.safe4all.org


http://www.911family.com


http://www.ptypes.com/narcissisticpd


http://www.healthline.com/domesticviolence

http://www.stoptheviolence.org
http://www.heartlessbitches.com
http://www.safe4all.org


You are in my fervent prayers.