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Re: Once an abuser, always...?

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Published: 14 years ago
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Re: Once an abuser, always...?

Am I suffering from a completely warped sense of reality (this is not a facetious question) or is there something to be said for the fact that I was suffering from a major, major Depression for the past two years (both of my parents died tragically) and that this caused us both terrible anguish and frustration... to the point of inducing explosive, nasty behavior on his part? I am not trying to make excuses (or maybe I am) but I was not well and probably extremely irritating to just about anyone, I would cry and mope everyday and had zero zest for life. Not to mention that we were both unemployed and living in a small apartment in a foreign country for G (we are from different cultures)... What is it that makes a person psychologically dependent anyway? Oh, and sorry, I don't want to misrepresent the facts, he did not personally threaten my grandmother, he told me that he would go and kill her during one of his flip-outs because he 'knew what type of person she is', whatever that means. This threat, incidentally, happened as we were arguing on the very last day I saw my mother alive, which we both knew intuitively since we were moving overseas the following morning and she was very ill. The fact that he verbally and physically attacked me on this day continues to cause me grief and anger to no end.... Although, to return to my above point, I am doing better now, certainly in the sense of my mental health, indeed perhaps why I am asking these questions (no more dense brain fog)... We now both have well-paying jobs, a huge house and several cats (ya know, all elements that usually add to the quality of one's life)... but so, I wonder, can he, will he change from his past ways? He is just so DIFFERENT from one week to the next. And, so I go along with this lurking, latent fear and deep MISTRUST... probably towards myself too, since, I seriously have to question my judgement some times.... I apologize if I didn't paint an objective picture with my previous post. Thank you for your time....

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