Re: Behind the story

"he is starting to tell me that if I would just love her more, then her problems would improve."

This shows that he doesn't understand how serious the situation is. He's probably a bit of an escapist (workaholic or something...) if he can think it's that simple.

One thing I know for sure is this: a child having two different influences on her growing up is certainly going to end up a very disturbed person. There is nothing worse for a child's development then having one day an approval for something you do, and the next day being punished for the same thing. That's why I said that she either needs to stay with her mom all the time, or with you two all the time.

She also needs to be related to as an adult rather then treated as a kid; if she does something wrong, it is easier to say "you're grounded" then to try to talk to her and find a way to be heard.

A scene from real life: a child of divorced parents is being terrible, in a lobby of a very nice hotel, just as they were checking in. His dad was tolerating it for a bit, then took him to their room. Only two of them. The kid got a little scared, as father showed he was angry, but didn't say or do anything. When they got into the room, instead of punishing him or threatining him, he told him - "What you did there was unacceptable. You're not an animal to behave like one. I mean - you are free to ruin your vacation if you really want to, but it doesn't have to be like that. Now, I now that there is some kind of problem... and I know it is not because of the hotel, or people here... so please, tell me - what is bothering you? What is it that's hurting so much? I promise I won't be ofended whatever you tell me, and I won't be angry regardless of what you tell me." And the kid was surprised for a moment (he was expecting a punishment), and a second later opened up in tears and admitted that he just couldn't get the divorce out of his mind and so on...

I only mention this as an example of two things: first - not following the usual pattern (when it obviously doesn't work anyway - kids are not circus animals that we should train with rewards and punishments), and second - it is not impossible to get to the bottom of a problem, and solve it right then and there.

Again, even if that worked, whatever you achieved, would be ruined by her mom the very next day.

Oh, one other thing: suicidal people are ALWAYS destructive towards others - whoever is closest. Suicide is a murder directed at self. If one's suicidal tendencies are somehow frustrated, the murder will be directed at someone else. In this case, since father is gone, there is only daughter left to destroy. This is no joke, and your husband has to take a serious look at it. Also, living with a suicidal person will certainly make the little girl suicidal. I am just surprised that her dad doesn't see it that way. Childhood is the foundation of an entire life. It determines everything.

As someone said already - this all should really be something that he deals with. Tweet