Behind the story

Dad rarely says anything negative to me regarding his ex. He says "I married her, and I wouldn't have done so if she didn't have some good qualities." He does occasionally tell me details, but is rarely derogatory toward her. We are able to have nice conversations with the ex and attend the child's events at church and sporting events together as one big family. However, I do not feel the ex is a truthful person or that she has good parenting skills.

I have heard the story about the divorce through his relatives and friends, and it's always the same:

The mom often refused to take her medicine for being bipolar. One time she threatened, in front of her children, to commit suicide by taking an overdose of pills. Dad had to rip the pill bottle out of his ex's hand while she was screaming that she was sick of life and was going to kill herself. The police/social services were called to the scene by the dad in an attempt to help her. The police said because she hadn't actually taken the pills, they couldn't put her in a mental hospital, regardless of what she threatened to do. The ex frequently acted overly dramatic and needy but that was the worst time. After the police left, she turned her wrath upon her husband, who was trying to help her.

Dad finally divorced the mom after she admitted to him that she was cheating on him.

His ex was very emotionally needy. We see this in the daughter. One time he was invited to a sporting event. To keep him from attending the event, his ex crashed through the bathroom door, breaking it down upon him. She wanted him home with her because she was lonely. They had no events to attend and he was not neglecting some other aspect of their day or life together.

One time, she had a fist fight with his emotionally and mentally impaired mother. A police report and restraining order was filed. Obviously their life together was difficult.

The child isn't rotten every minute of every day, but every event, trip, or dinner brings with it complaining and whining. We do not give in to her whining. If she whines or pouts, we assign her a consequence. That's when the screaming, throwing, slamming doors comes in. She does not like being disciplined.

I have read all the advice here. I had already suggested to my husband repeatedly that we need to, as a family, get counseling. He is just as frustrated but because I am being the squeaky wheel about counseling, he is starting to tell me that if I would just love her more, then her problems would improve. At the very least, I feel better knowing that I am not abnormal for not feeling love for this child. Tweet