Re: Difficult child destroying our marriage!

Her parents have been divorced since she was little. I don't think she's going through any angst over her parents' divorce, since mom and dad being apart is the only life she's ever known.

I disagree with the writer who stated that the dad should only see her on weekends so that the child's life is more "stable." Stability has very little to do with living in two different houses. I think any lack of stability would instead come from the vastly different expectations from one house to the next. Her bipolar mother is very permissive with her and allows her to listen to music with swearing, wear revealing clothing (mommy bought her sister an outfit that the mother refers to as a "hoochie outfit"), mom takes her to DisneyWorld, buys her a new outfit every two weeks. We cannot afford to do those things. We have different standards for the children's exposure to offensive material. Daughter doesn't like that.

Today we took the children to a restaurant because I was given a gift card. The little girl pouted the entire time she was given this special treat. She pouted because we ordered water for all of us instead of the sugary drink she wanted. Her younger stepbrother offered her some of his meal but she not only didn't offer to share her meal with him, she refused to let little brother have a taste when prompted by her dad. Then, because we had another gift card to an ice cream shop, we took the children there. She ran around the ice cream shop screaming at the top of her lungs. She was clearly excited and happy to be there, but that is not okay behavior.

This is the kind of behavior we are dealing with EVERY day, in EVERY situation. There is never a time when any meal goes by pleasantly without her complaining and whining. She never complies with any instructions without crying, whining, pouting, complaining.

I pick her up from school because the school has no bussing. Parents must transport the student. After she does her homework and chores (which are a normal expectation for any child, what are you people thinking who say that's a ridiculous expectation?) then she usually has two to two-and-a-half hours for the rest of the night to play however she wants. She clearly has enough free play time.

I sit next to her to do her homework with her. I show her how to do it. BUT, I don't provide the answers for her. When I do not give her the answer to the problem, but show her how to do other sample problems, she cries big tears and whines "why aren't you helping me?" I say, "honey, I am helping you, but I'm not going to give you the answer. You need to find the answer." "NO YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME!" (screaming and runs crying into her room, slams door and throws things at the wall.) Her mother does her homework for her sometimes.

I do not believe this behavior is acceptable. My post was asking for anyone who has had a similar experience to share if it is normal not to feel love for this child automatically. How can anyone say that her repeated lack of gratitude, pouting, whininess, etc. even when being shown a special kind of attention and being given special treats are the fault of her crummy life situation? Tweet