Re: I want to leave my Narcissist.

Thank you Fledgling you're so sweet. I realize I've been very negative; I was having the thoughts your talking about when I was reading the book The Secret and I guess I forgot. Unfortunately, I spend every waking moment with my husband except when I'm at work behind the desk wondering what he's saying about me to others and if he's cheating to punish me or trying to find my replacement. I have to admit it's hard to think of those things with another person because I've been doing them with my husband and enjoying it for so long. In addition, I don't want to have those thoughts until well into the future; I want to be over this and ready. Just before my husband and I started dating I had been in a relationship with another narcissist (I see what it was now) and after the torment I got over it and felt liberated, a new woman. I was smarter, stronger, independant, everything that I had written down and planned to be. I also wrote down what I wanted from a relationship right down to the little things that might bother me that I would learn to accept. My goal for many years was to better myself emotionally and financially for the man I would call my husband. I even went as far as buying and upgrading a ring that I would be able to trade up when the time came; until then I wore it on my left hand because I didn't want men asking me out that I didn't know (I worked at a high profile job, which brought in weirdos at times). I went on several dates with different men I thought would be someone I'd be interested in having a long term relationship with and then I decided on one. My plan had included dating for a certain amount of time and living together before marriage (not very old fashioned I know) but I wanted to make sure I really knew this person. We dated for only about 3 months and then moved in together, after 1.5 years we got married. I wish I knew then what I know now. What I had imagined was true love included lots of affection, and in the relationship prior to dating there was none so I was starving for it. Also, I had some customers come in and they were so affectionate and I asked them how long they had been married and they said 5 years. I thought what I was seeing was true love. Maybe, maybe not. I thought that being put on a pedestal and having affection was a product of true love. I didn't realize that someone not capable of empathy could pull this off. He was on his best behavior for the first year, also I thought that the minor problems we were having were because of the major life changes, moving, committment and changing careers all at once. If I had known about NPD I would have not wasted so many precious years on these relationships over and over again. I trusted him a second time (I knew him when we were 21) and I believed him when he made me feel as though I was just insecure and only he could love me the way he does with all my flaws, I even repeated those words to him often. Now I know he is a fraud, my plan was flawed and now I'm 40 instead of 21. I had been reading The Secret and it stated that if you are in an unwanted relationship it is due to a thought you once had and you can change your thoughts. The night that I realized for certain that I wasn't just imagining this torture and it was happening right before my eyes I recited my poem that I had written about the man of my dreams when I was 19 to myself aloud as he stood there apologizing profusely but would never admit why. I told him that I was cleansing myself and that I was going to make the biggest switch I had ever known. I also told him I wrote an ending to my poem. He asked me to recite it and I couldn't because it was about breaking the chains around me to be set free and finding true love in my future. I'm still working on my exit strategy but I know it will take a little time to be safe.

Thank you Fledgling for reminding me of these things, I needed to remember. You are an inspiration and your support is appreciated to say the least.

Have a great evening, I think I will too! :) Tweet