Re: I want to leave my Narcissist.

Well said, SoulfulSurvivor!


Tell me, do you think there is a period of 'talk' we go through before we 'decide'?

I suspect that some counselors are aware of that, and maybe exploit it some, at high rates per hour?

Nosy neighbors can also 'exploit' the 'talk time' and use it to milk information from the needy person, which the nosy person then uses to provoke some action or reaction, for their own reasons.

That happened to me, thanks to a manipulator I once thought was a friend. But that's another part of the story.

And, I can now clearly see that I should have moved faster, and much more quietly, with what I knew I needed to do.

The poor guy I was divorcing was, very simply, a pawn of his narcissistic mother, a way to control his life, and get to me.

She was deathly afraid of being left alone in her later years. One of the things she tried to control was her son's income, so she would never be poor. She didn't want me to be too smart and divert 'his' money. I think she was afraid of me.

I once read through a set of Encylopedia Americana. That amazed, and, I think, frightened her. I could also understand contracts. She brought up those facts constantly...for twenty-five years.

...Plus some other stuff. She was continually testing people to see if they would say something different the next time, revealing that they had lied on previous occasions...and really were out to 'get' her.

She never let her son forget that he was 'dumb' (which he wasn't), but she couldn't pull that stunt with me, so I had to be 'bad' as a mother, or in motives.

I just kept smiling and smiling, in case she would someday see that she was 'safe' with me. That I would never abandon or cheat her.

She never did see that, of course, and she felt that she had to 'control' in whatever way she could, lest my 'smartness' overwhelm her and make her vulnerable to my 'bad' intentions.

What a waste of my goodwill!


Then she took my son, as she had her sister's children, filling their heads with doubts about their parents.

Only she knew best...as erratic as she was, constantly on guard against any possible attack on herself...any of her perceived faults.

It was all so pathetic and a waste of our family potential.

Waking up was a painfully slow process for the rest of us. I don't think my ex ever did...though my son did remark that, "Dad is a momma's boy." All I said was, "Yes."

He knew, I believe. I also believe that my son will someday see the whole picture. I hope.


But that period of 'talk' lasted too long for me...far too long. I wasn't as smart or graceful as I thought I was.

Sigh.

Sure glad I outgrew that period. Grin!

We all have our errors. And they don't mount to a hillrow of beans, in the grand scheme of things...just a waste of time and feelings...a tempest in a teapot.


I stayed in 'talk' mode for years, thinking I was doing the whole divorce thing gracefully. Hah! I was fooling myself!

The ex was also using several things to blame and blackmail me...including our son. Even dupes learn new tricks.

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