Re: I want to leave my Narcissist.

OHboy!

I HAVE split a business in divorce, and it ain't fun!

Plus, I did it all wrong.


First, and foremost, evaluate your son's feelings BEFORE you tell him.

...NO child, of any age, should feel the weight of responsibility for their parent's well-being. Never make a child choose. At 21 your son is just beginning to see his own way in life.

...For some reason beyond your knowing, your son may decide to side with your husband, or not, and may let your plans slip in even the most innocent way.


Second, decide a figure you will ask for your share, house, furnishings, and joint property, included.

...Make it fair, but also make it quick. Shave a little off your side so your husband may be tempted to think he is getting a bargain.

...Actual accounting and evaluation is a pain, and takes forever. Everyone may be relieved not to have to go through that, and that relief may smooth ruffled feathers...a lot!


Thirdly, go to the best lawyer/firm you can afford, completely prepared.

...What you want to do is present your lawyer with your requests for sale of your shares to your ex; and ask for your immediate move into the arms of an organization that can and will welcome you and protect you...all in the same afternoon.

...If the lawyer you are speaking to can't comply, or won't, ask who in the firm can and will, and have the telephone number of another lawyer/firm ready.

...Also have the number of a few motels ready, preferrably in another community.


Fourthly, telephone your son, and your sister, to tell them you are leaving, now...and that you will be in touch, tomorrow, or soon.

...Since your sister seems to be able to keep a secret, you might want to warn her to take steps for her own family's safety, when your moment comes.

Make arrangements for your son's safety, plus his girlfriend's, and anyone else close to you or him. If a person close to you can't be moved, hire a bodyguard firm for them for as long as it may take.

The last thing you want is your son's best friend stumbling into a 'situation' unawares. Have your son inform his friends...but probably NOT stay with them, for obvious reasons. Have your son stay someplace very safe, and unknown to your ex.

You may want him to take a taxi to pick up a few things at some time you're sure he won't be confronted. Think this out carefully.


Most 'arrangements' can be made by long distance telephone calls....but there are legal complications to some of them.

...One is the 'reason' for divorce. 'Incompatibility' is great...there isn't too much sting to that to anger your ex.

...Another is who left the family home first. Your lawyer should be able to tell you about that.

...Your lawyer may be well-versed in 'family law' but have no experience in dividing a business. That's why it is better to deal with a firm of lawyers, and why I suggest you offer your share for your husband to purchase.


Meanwhile, if you are with your husband, smile or look how he wants you to look. If it is easy, go out...and, if your son lives with you, take him, too.

...Do not confront, in any way.


Your objective is to disappear, suddenly, while leaving your husband a reasonable and attractive offer for getting out of the marriage and the business without conflict.

If he decides to challenge you for the ownership of any joint property, rather than buy you out, let your lawyer set him straight, in accordance with local laws and your position.

You may find it much easier, and a very good bargain, if your position isn't particularly strong, to let him have the lot.

I've always felt there has never been a dollar printed that was worth one moment of human misery.


Your other and important objectives are to protect your son and the other members of your family...as well as to get yourself to a safe place from which you can rebuild your life.

It may even be that you can obtain your lawyer services in another town or city. If that is so, I would certainly do that.


It is very galling to be a businessperson and be done out of your fair share by threat and humiliation. You are definitely worth far more than that.

In fact, it is your worth in every way, business and otherwise, that will you pull you through, unscathed.

Your inner worth will allow you to rebuild even from a zero bank balance...though you may not see that yet.

If you know you will be angry for a while, let yourself only make the most basic choices for food on the table and a warm place to sleep...and maybe some extra schooling to keep you out of mischief. Save the bigger decisions for when you are cool-headed once more.

That can take as long as a year. Wait for it.

Then watch opportunities appear! But, still, be choosy. You'll then know better what to look for...I promise.

See good friends regularly, even just for coffee, or a phone call when you don't talk about anything in particular. A 'Hi' and a smile, often, will do you wonders, and keep those you love reassured of your well-being.


I wish someone had told me these things when I was going through it.

Someone wrote...'Do it as fair as you can, and as fast as you can.' That way, they explained, everyone gets hurt less.

My best,

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