Re: I want to leave my Narcissist.

Thanks Fledgling and Soul Survivor,

I was waiting to post because I'm just so frustrated right now. Unfortunately the place that I had next to my mom's house is now gone, I would have to stay with her in her mobile home and possibly foster children and I don't know if there's even room for me there. My mom recently had some issues which she is going to be at risk of losing her place all together and I had told her that I would help if it came to that. It seems that now I can not be much help to her or to my son and sister who will probably lose everything they have due to the job loss when I walk away. It all seems so unfair. In the meantime as usual he's making me look like the evil wife as he tells our customers, friends, family and employees that poor innocent narcissist is being treated bad; woe is me, give me sympathy.

When he plays the jealousy card it's usually in public and he showers other women with attention and I have to watch as they suck it up. It's so degrading and I try to get his attention away and then he just makes me look bad again, either at that moment or later when he sees them when I'm not around. When it comes to my girlfriends he ruins my relationships with them by pumping them up to think they are so great and beautiful and even more beautiful than me and even if I don't act jealous of them he'll make them think I am. I can't bring myself to trust my friend to tell her that he said she is ten times more beautiful than me when she obviously enjoyed the attention, she might just side with him. I refuse to bring girlfriends around him anymore and I often pray that he doesn't notice if a pretty girl walks by. It makes me feel so pathetic.

Now that I know he's a narcissist I am seeing it in everything he does, everything. I know that other people have to notice his behavior because if he thinks someone is superior to him he finds a way to be smarter to put them in their place and more charming than they are to their own wives. I'm getting to the point that his affection repulses me and it was the one thing that has kept me from thinking he was a bad guy in the past. I have been so cold and abrupt to him lately that he is starting to get suspicious of what I'm doing on the computer, what I'm reading at bed time and where I am which is very unlike him. I want to do this right so I don't lose everything but I don't have a solid plan yet and I'm not sure which route is the right one to take. As for seeing an attorney I have been procrastinating out of fear that I'll get caught, in addition to the fact that I want to make sure I am really ready. I'm getting closer everyday. I'm having a hard time thinking of anything else and it seems the only thing keeping me sane is these posts and reading about it. Thank you! Tweet