Re: I want to leave my Narcissist.

Dear Jus me,

Why not rely on the things you CAN change...in yourself?

For example, the jealousy card.

It seems to me to be a wide open door to your suffering. If you dropped those feelings, or pretended to, there's a lot of leverage, ways to hurt you, that just disappear.

You could put on a quiet smile when the question comes up. People have a heck of a time seeing past a quiet smile.

All you need to do, to change your feelings, is to say, "No," whenever you feel/think it, and switch to thoughts you prefer, even if you don't yet believe them.

You don't even need to 'select' a substitute theme or thought...the new attitude will suggest one, perhaps a different one on each occasion.


The one good tool that helped me change my life was the recognition that I couldn't help my first husband.

I had tried everything I could think of, for 25 years...and I ran out of ideas. I was tired. *I* couldn't help him.

It turned out later that he was his own responsibility, always had been! I had never realized that before.



How close is that house of your mom's?

If it is near, and easily available, you could live there, or just work there, beginning a new business.

You wouldn't even need to get very far with the new business, just study it, and build ideas.

If the house is far away, you could take little vacations, for the same purpose.

Changing the use of the house will likely help you forget its former meaning to you. If not, there is always the word, "No!" ...Or, the word, "Cancel!" ...Or, my favorite, "Applesauce!"

Re-painting and re-furnishing help a lot...so does cleaning up the yard. (Think garage sales and discount houses, particularly those that deal in 'remainders'.)

Does your mom need any help?

Just a couple of thoughts off the top of my head...feel free to ignore me.

:D