Re: Not a slight problem

Boy, you people don't mess around.

My husband has brought up my non-responsiveness many, many times. Each time he does I just think he's having a bad day and is taking it out on me. I really didn't take him seriously. But now I see the only time he has a bad day is when I haven't responded the night before. Or the day before, or at diner, or anytime he thought of being romantic. (at the cottage, on the beach, sunsets, etc.) I don't think he gets mad at me I think it just hurts him.

He's always been supportive of anything I've wanted to do and has said many times he just wants to see me happy and enjoying life. And I must admit I don't smile much and I don't have very much fun in life. I think I'm scared to. Even my own daughter has commented about me not smiling very much and never having any fun.

When I first got together with him 8 years ago he asked me if I'd ever been "in love". I hadn't. I've never had the "warm fuzzies" with anybody, not even him. He always tries to make our family time fun and intimate and he gets along great with my 13 year old daughter. I just never paid much attention to intimacy. I thought sex was it.

But I don't think we ever really connected. He probably connected to me but I havn't to him. Another comment he has said a few times is that he feels like his home is NOT his home. Its mine and my daughters but not his. He feels like a stranger in his own home. I guess that's all the other intimacy things you are talking about.

When we are alone together we don't talk anymore. He's got plenty to say and can talk at length about just about anything. But I don't communicate and find excuses to get out of the conversations. (go to the bathroom, let the cat in or out, etc.)

To tell you the truth I think its allready too late. He doesn't want to go through another Summer with me at the cottage so I think by next Spring he'll be gone no matter what I do between now and then.

Well, I've learned how to take care of myself with him and I'm still in pretty good shape so I don't think I'll have any trouble finding someone else. It sure was nice while it lasted. My daughter will miss him though.

Thanks for all the advise. I'll get the Ellen Kreidman material and try that for a while.

But I know the first time he sees me with someone else, or hears about me being with someone else, he'll want me back. Sorry, too late. He'll regret leaving...

S





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