I'm not going to recollect all that I experience as the result of a 14+ year con, or the previous damage that was sustained in a 15+ year violent relationship.  If anyone's interested, they can read some of the older entries.  This is the final entry for this specific blog.  The space where I am, today, is so different than the space that I've occupied for my entire life that it is virtually impossible for me to describe the metamorphosis.  I am where I should be, today.  Where I was isn't important except in respect to reference.

Everyone experiences trauma.  Everyone experiences Life's ups and downs.  Everyone either manages, or they don't.  But, one thing is a 100% certain fact:  individuals who have been raised in a dysfunctional family environment will either become a perfect victim for human predators, or they will become human predators, themselves.  A great deal of how a person will develop into adulthood depends greatly upon genetic predispositions to stress, anxiety, etc., and the environment that either sustains those traits, or seeks to manage them. 

For those who believe that they cannot escape, that their lives are shit, and that they are worthless, themselves, I will offer this possibility from my own personal experiences:  you are worthwhile.  You are, indeed, deserving of unconditional love, contentment, balance, and a calm inner voice.  It is absolutely possible to find these things, but it requires tremendous work and an absolute commitment to doing the work, regardless of how much time passes.

Time.  Time is required for all wounds to heal.  Or, to fester.  For those who have experienced traumatic childhoods, those traumas will fester just like any medical infection does.  Our emotional health is directly and irrevocably related to our physical health, and vice-versa.  Emotional trauma creates an error in our thought processes, our reasoning capabilities, and our own perceptions of ourselves and the world around us.  The good news is that the rewiring can be done - beliefs can either be proven or refuted.  Perceptions can be altered, and our own individual responses and coping mechanisms can be altered and even discarded through recovery and healing.

Work.  "Doing The Work" will either become a commitment, or it won't.  Without "Doing The Work," catastrophic thinking continues, escalates, and becomes unbearable, and our own insecurities, fears, and self-debasement is visibly apparent to well-meaning people, as well as human predators.  Well-meaning people will drift away because they cannot facilitate any help, whatsoever, and predatory human beings will zero in on the things that can be most easily manipulated for their own purposes.

"Doing The Work" is not easy.  There's no "one-and-done" session that's going to disappear, fix, or undo the traumas of childhood or long-term abusive relationships.  The work isn't pleasant, most of the time - it involves purging feelings, misperceptions, and flawed beliefs in ourselves, in others, and in the world, in general.  It can be frightening, as well - to become willing to give up control issues and work on them, each day, is tremendously challenging.  And, learning healthy coping and management techniques requires time, work, effort, and practice.  Positive progress does not occur within any given time frame.  It doesn't.  Healing is not a destination, either - it is an ongoing journey.

The processes of recovery (first) and healing (after recovery) require assistance.  Period. The assistance is in the form of trained and experienced guidance, not from tarot cards, not from hypnosis, not from online counseling (pfffft!), and not from any guru, protocol, or single source outside of ourselves.  Some people are going to balk at this, and that's their choice.  But, finding a competent, mature, certified, and licensed counseling therapist is the best option for the purposes of recovery and healing, bar none.  I tried it all before I finally surrendered. 

I tried many, many protocols with the mistaken belief that they would "solve" all of my issues.  Well, they help only in the sense that they can address medical / chemical issues, but they cannot rewire the brain, reconfigure catastrophic thinking, or develop self-worth where there has never been any.  Tarot cards cannot build personal boundaries.  Psychics cannot tell us how to process our traumas in a healthy manner.  Recovering and healing from family dysfunction and long-term trauma requires the assistance of a trained individual because we cannot "see" what someone in an objective seat is able to "see." 

There is no cure for a dysfunctional family or long-term trauma - there is only management and that is a fact, not an opinion. 

The refusal to engage in strong cousneling therapist is, quite literally, rooted in issues of shame (first) and control (second).  The shame that we need help, at all, comes from the dysfunctional family - we are expected and mandated to "handle" whatever we endure and experience.  Dysfunction nullifies any and all healthy self-perceptions and replaces them with crazy-talk and obfuscation.  Blur the lines of fact, fiction, and fantasy and we do not develop into healthy adults.  We either choose predatory people, or they are drawn to us by our ingrained dysfunctional behaviors, and we have the ability to change that, ourselves, with the guidance of someone who specializes in trauma.

"But, Soulful, the counselor said things about me that I didn't like," you may say.  What traumatized people interpret as "mean" or "critical" are often simple observations.  I was truly desperate for people to accept me, so I let them walk all over me with the mistaken belief that, if I tolerated everything, I would not be abandoned.  I would be "liked."  I would be "loved."  This is just one example of the vortex of shame and anxiety that family dysfunction and spousal abuse generates.  This line of thinking is untrue because not everyone is going to "like" me and I'm not going to die if they don't.  I was unable to "see" this in myself because I was caught and trapped in a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior.  Without the assistance of 2 amazingly insightful, experienced, and mature therapists, I would likely be dead, today - either by my own hand, or by simply giving up and wasting away.

Life can be a good thing.  Living can be a good thing.  Living life well (not wealthy) is spectactular and possible, even in the face of poverty and / or medical conditions.  Finding contentment, gratitude, balance, and calm is possible - 100% absolutely possible, but it's not going to happen in one session.  It's not going to happen in five sessions.  It may take a long, long time, and I have heard the argument that counseling therapists get people to go on for years to make money, only.  In some cases, this is true.  But, generally speaking, it takes a long, long time for trust between counselor and client to develop so that the client can say what they need to in order to progress.  It takes time.  And, every nano-second of time spent "Doing The Work" and practicing the techniques is absolutely worth the outcome and ongoing healing.  It is true and it is factual.

As a final note, please, take your own individual bull by its horns and wrestle it down.  You are unique, priceless, and irreplacable in this vast Universe - there is only one of you.  No matter what you've been told or what you believe, Life is truly worth living, even when difficult challenges stare us down.  We only need food and shelter - all of the rest is just fluff.  Our own self-worth is within our own hands.  If I could do this, anyone can do it.

www.thehotline.org

www.familyarrested.com

www.180rule.com

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