One thing that I've felt was that I have come full-circle.  During my first marriage to a violent abuser, everything that was important was dismissed - holidays, birthdays, milestones, special events, etc.  All of these things were either minimized or obliterated as a tradition, and it was accomplished one-thing-at-a-time.  "You know, I don't think I like decorating a tree - it's just following the herd..."  Any discussion of this was followed with, "WHY must you ALWAYS argue with me?!"  So, I did as I was told.......

Second ex did the same thing!  When I was awarded a scholarship, he was not present at my Honors Ceremony.  When I participated in juried exhibits and won awards for my work, he was not there - there was plenty of advanced notice and he could have arranged to be there, but he never was.  When I graduated, with Honors, the then-spouse was not there.  There was no celebration.  There was no special treatment of my accomplishment.  It was, for all intents and purposes, just another day.  Just another day.  Between both abusive spouses, I was consistently minimized, and this became a belief that I was inconsequential.  I was meaningless just as my accomplishments were, and I truly believed this.

The point of recollecting these events is that I am making each day a reason to celebrate.  I'm taking back my personal traditions, the right to express joy and wonder, and I'm doing it simply because I can.  I lost too many things over the years, and many of those things can never be retrieved.  But, what I can rebuild is my own sense of who I am, and what my personal traditions are going to be.

Abuse doesn't always require a broken bone, split lip, or bruised eye to be what it is.  Most of the abuses that I've experienced were subtle and non-violent.  Minimizing traditions, beliefs, rituals, and accomplishments is just one of many, many examples of emotional abuse.  Emotional abuse is the most insidious type of abuse that exists.  It cannot be "proven" with physical or visible evidence.  It's only one person's word against another, and most abusers expend a tremendous amount of energy in appearing to be "normal," and even "charming" to other people so that their victims appear irrational and unstable. 

Recovering from abuse is a lifelong journey and nothing to be afraid of.  Healing in that recovery process can be the greatest experience imaginable.  Today, I am in control of who I am.  Today, I am not defined by the actions of another person.  Today, I am me - I am content with who I am.  Today, I am no longer a "victim" and being a "survivor" is something that I no longer need to convince myself that I am.  I wear no badges, no labels, and no definitions.

If you, or someone you care about, is experiencing abuse of any type, please..........don't wait for things to "get better" because they never, ever will.  Get help for yourself - you cannot help the abuser.  You can't.  If they had wanted to change, they would have done so.  You are precious and priceless in this vast Universe.  And, you are deserving of a life lived well.

www.familyarrested.com

www.180rule.com

www.thehotline.org

Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!