So, this subject of recovery and healing for me has been at the forefront for a while, now.  And, I've noticed quite a few posts on CureZone, recently, where desperate members were asking for The One Thing that will "cure" or resolve their issues, and I cannot stress this enough:  there is no one-and-done thing for ANY recovery.  Whether it's an addiction or medical/physiological condition, managing one's life is a "Whole Self" endeavor.

There was a recent post by someone who wanted help with a couple of personal issues.  A number of CZ Members responded with compassion and suggestions, and the most interesting response was from the original poster.  The OP wrote that it was too much trouble to document and record their lifestyle practices in order to begin to manage their issues.  I was FLOORED.  How can a person's own well-being be "to much work?"

Another post was for a "safe" alternative to a specific addiction.  This person had mentioned a substitute for the intial addiction that only exacerbated the addiction in several other posts, and they didn't want to know the truth about the substitute.  They wanted an easy and painless approach.

In living our lives, we are provided countless opportunities to come to "acceptance" about every aspect of our lives.  Some people want to believe that it's Divine Intervention, and that's fine - whatever it might mean, personally, it is the opportunity to accept and move on. 

"Acceptance" is the event where I finally realized that I could not alter a situation or outcome.  Whether or not I "liked" or embraced whatever it was that I needed to "accept" did not factor into the final act.  Whatever it was simply was, and I had no means to bargain, negotiate, wish, or demand that whatever it was would change. 

An example of "acceptance" is the fact that I'm a cigarette addict.  I cannot change that fact.  I don't want to be an addict, and I wish that I could be like many others and just smoke two cigarettes a day, but I can't.  I've tried it, and I cannot do it.  If I smoke ONE cigarette, then I'm going to smoke a 30, or more, in a day.  That's it.  That's all.  I am not obligate to LIKE the fact that I'm an addict, but I cannot change it no matter what I say, do, or attempt. 

The same goes forth with being codependent.  I don't like it, but I have to acknowledge that it is an emotional/behavioral issue that I can either manage, or not.  Nothing that I say, do, imagine, or pretend is going to change the fact that I am codependent.  The only thing that will alter that fact is for me to do the hard work to change myself and my personal beliefs and behaviors.  Period.  That's it.  That's all.  I'm not obligated to LIKE it, but I cannot change it.

This is why any changes involve mind, body, and spirit.  The mind is what makes up the rules.  The body is what responds/reacts to the rules.  The spirit is what supports (or, refutes) the rules. 

When I write about "spirit," it is in reference to what I believe to be my soul.  It is what makes me unique from the person next to me.  It is what makes me who I am.  I don't write in terms of religious doctrines because of many reasons, but the main one is that I don't have the answers - no human being does.  I can only aspire to be a better person as per the threads of common sense that are woven within the fabric of humanity via countless doctrines and approaches - not one has all of the answers, and there isn't "one" answer to living life. 

I don't deal in shame or blame, either.  Shame is a huge and crippling condition that caused me to make outrageous assumptions, maintain unrealistic and idealistic expectations, and unattainable goals.  Shame is not the same as "guilt," and the two should never be confused.  So, this is why I write about "SPIRIT" rather than RELIGION or dogma.  I also don't deal in FEAR which is based upon shame-core.  And, I'm not refering to iminent and reasonable "fear."  I'm talking about random and pervasive fear that is based upon perception and not iminent threat.

I began this bLog after I discovered that the man that I had loved for 14 years and been married to for 12 1/2 years had lived a very depraved double-life by entertaining and engaging in sexual interests that I was completely unaware of.  I also discovered that he had defrauded me of over a quarter of a million dollars through coercion and outright forgeries.  What began as what he did to me has evolved into a diary of my personal journey of recovery and healing.  And, I am grateful for the opportunity to not only recover and heal, but to share this journey as a beacon of hope, strength, and courage to anyone out there that doesn't believe in themselves.

Today, I believe in life.  I believe in living life.  And, I believe that I am gifted with the opportunity to live this life to whatever end, and the insight that I've been gifted with to begin living, even if it's at this late stage.  No matter where we are in our personal lives, we have the option of accepting and living, or spinning our wheels in the mud.  But, it's truly an option - not a mandate that we MUST suffer because we were born to suffer, but to accept that ALL things suffer and that we cannot alter that fact.  From plants to farm animals, suffering exists.  Period.  That option allows me to shed the belief that I can somehow control the Universe to meet my personal needs and/or designs or that I am responsible for the happiness and well-being of others, and to accept that it is whatever it is, and that I can still be peaceful, calm, and connected in spite of that fact.

A calm and balance mind allows for calm and balanced choices in nutrition, activity, and choices in how I treat my body.  A calm and balanced mind and body allow for peace to enter into my spirit - my soul - and allow for a personal connection with all things in this Universe.  Mind, body, and spirit - it's a whole-self deal, and it's an ongoing practice and endeavor.