Now, back to the topic of this entry,  Prayer.  When we consider what "prayer" is, we typically think of people in a structure surrounded by other people who are intoning or chanting a written and memorized set of words.  If we allow our imaginations go wild, we can visualize some very disturbing images of people dancing around with rattlesnakes clutched in their hands, or people repeating phrases while they're duct-taping explosives to themselves.  We can envision men and women in very expensive garments, standing on concert stages with thousands (literally) in attendance, and slapping the crap out of someone's forehead to drive out whatever evil exists in them.  These examples are not spirituality, nor are they (IMHO) associated with prayer, in any way or by any stretch of the imagination.

For me, rebuilding my spirituality has been a very challenging task.  I haven't blamed Great Creator (God, Jehovah, Messiah, Buddah, Gaia, Whomever) for my personal woes, nor have I ever held the belief that this entity is so bored as to "strike down" someone for some unknown transgression or some Divine secret purpose.  I just haven't.  I've been angry - oh, you bet I have!  But, I've been angry at myself and others who used me to fulfill their personal agendas. 

I had always maintained a very strong and primal connection with Nature.  From animals to grains of sand to the super nova, each piece of the Universe has a purpose and each has value.  And, it's interesting to note that the tiniest of all creatures in Nature - the countless one-celled bacterium - have the ability to descimate an entire species.  At any rate, the skin of a tree and the note of a bird's speech have always been held dear to me.  The deep vault of the night sky and the sound of water were the face and voice of God - the Great Creator.

After I discovered what the second exspath was, I questioned everything about my very existence.  From my own perceptions to my spirituality, and realized that I'm on this never-ending journey of learning, growing, and centering that I wasn't aware of, prior to my discovery. 

"Prayer" is that time when I am calm.  That time when I am quiet.  That time when I am focused upon sound, smell, sight, and intuition.  I can dec1are my needs, my feelings, my gratitude, my frustrations, and everything else under the sun during conventional prayer.  But, for me, the true healing nature of prayer is the meditative state where my mind is relieved of the emotional clutter and white noise, and I am able to literally commune with whatever I choose to call the Universal Energy and experience mindfulness of my very being and purpose. 

That energy (God, if you are comfortable) touches our souls with the skilled fingers of a master pianist.  When we are quiet, still, and mindful, our minds might connect with our hearts, and we can literally feel the strengths, qualities, and beautiful vulnerabilities that we were each gifted with by God when we were concieved.  That is where the healing takes place.  Even medical miracles that defy all explanation begin within our own Life's Spark with the breath of the Great Creator blowing that spark into a healing, cleansing flame.

Surrounding ourselves with people who are in similar stages of healing and enlightenment can be helpful - and, please, don't construe my use of the word, "enlightenment," as some New Age Directive.  Opening our minds and freeing ourselves of the clutter allows for enlightenment and perception to enter.  That's all. 

And, if what we've been taught doesn't make sense, then question it!  We don't always have to understand the purpose of every event, nor why human beings suffer.  But, I do not believe that we are made to "suffer" because we were born sinners - a newborn infant has no sin, regardless of where their Life's Path goes, decades later.  So, I don't buy that bullshit, one iota.  We aren't "struck down" by an angry and vengeful God - not in my Universe.  In the grand scheme of things, God's got too much going on to get "angry" at one human being enough to slap them down with some punishment in the form of a tragedy.  That's just Life - we're not immortal, so we experience stuff.  That's all.  Stuff happens.

Most of the things that happen to us at the hands of other people occur because we have personal issues and made bad personal choices.  I either chose "bad" partners and friends, or I allowed them to choose and predate me because of my own personal issues.  The majority of my traumatic experiences happened as the result of human behaviors.  Certainly, I've experienced the random acts of Nature as flash floods, hurricanes, and the occasional nutbag driving a motorized vehicle.  But, overall, my beliefs that everyone was redeemable, and that everyone was deserving (and, worthy) of the "benefit of the doubt," and that my gut instinct was to be ignored in lieu of human expectations resulted in some very stupid and very damaging choices and decisions.  No, I'm not saying that I deserved the things that have been done to me - the fraud, the betrayals, etc., but what I am saying is that I was targeted because I did not have a strong and healthy understanding with myself.  I had to experience those things to finally make that vital spiritual connection and begin to live my life as the person that I had been born to be.  Period. 

Our societies, cultures, and our world have all become noisy and cold.  We are disconnected with our humanity, our mortality, and our fellow human beings.  Our minds need that quiet and calm to hear the voice of God reassuring us that we've already been gifted with everything that we'll ever need to survive as an individual.  Yeah, we may not "like" having a progressive disease or condition that causes pain, but that's not all that we are - we can choose whether or not we will be defined by any one event or condition.  We are - each one of us - a unique vessel to either share calm or chaos with those around us.  Recovery and healing isn't an easy, pretty, or simple process, but there comes a point when that path begins to smooth out, just a bit.  There comes a point when we're not bouncing around, hearing only the tortuous groans of our joints as we jostle over the potholes and debris of our lives.  Using the tools of calm, mindfulness, and emotional balance, we can smooth out most of our Life's Path, one step at a time.  And, prayer - true, honest, and genuine prayer - is a vital part of that process.

Spirituality is a personal and private matter - how we express and feel healthy spiritual connections cannot be dictated by any one voice, any one individual, or any one system of beliefs, in my most humble opinion.  There is no single language with which the Great Creator speaks, nor is there one structure or one location where Great Creator dwells, exclusively.  Prayer is, utimately, meditation in the communing with ourselves and everything around us.  Once we are "at peace" with ourselves, we are accepting of every aspect of whom we are and we exercise strong, healthy choices and make strong, heatlhy decisions.  We then determine our own destiny, and we have the opportunity to live Life, rather than simply exist until our mortality runs its course.

Brightest of all blessings to everyone who is challenged with recovery and healing.

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