For anyone who is in the midst of a devastating betrayal, or attempting to exit a toxic relationship, or facing family dysfunction, I want to offer hope that there lies in each one of us a very precious pearl that is just waiting for us to rinse and wipe away the crud of trauma to be revealed for the beautiful thing that it is.

Trauma creates a host of behavioral and emotional issues - many of these issues become physical/medical manifestations.  From candida sensitivity to adrenal failure to auto-immune issues, trauma has an impact.  Stress has an impact.  Abuse has an impact.  And, self-loathing has a dreadful impact. 

What I learned about my own situation was that options were always available.  This is not to suggest that all of those options were easy, painless, simple, or warm-and-fuzzy.  In my recovery and healing processes, most of my options were very painful, degrading, and terrifying, but the choices were pretty clear:  do something to change things, or give up and die.

I chose to do the hard work and engage in strong counseling therapy with a couple of trauma specialists.  And, I noticed something about myself that is reflected in nearly all posts on this site, and others:  I wanted that one Magic Bullet that was going to sort it all out, make me strong and healthy, and fix whatever was wrong.  It's a pervasive theme, and it's not a "sin" to wish for this, but it's not likely that anyone is going to be able to tell me what I need to do in order to recover and heal, whether it's emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, spiritually, or financially.  I realized that I had to do the work, and I didn't like this fact, one tiny bit. 

So, what would have been the outcome if someone did have possession of a Magic Wand Of Healing and had waved it over my head to rid me of everything that needed to be dealt with?  For myself, I wouldn't have learned anything.  I would have continued making the same choices with the expectation that there would be a different result.  I would have continued allowing fear to be the deciding factor in all decision-making.  I would have continued searching for people who would just "like" or "love" me to surround myself with - and, I would have continued being a doormat to make certain that those people did, indeed, like or love me.

So, this is the cold, hard, fact:  nobody and nothing outside of ourselves can provide recovery and healing from personal trauma.  I'm not talking about surgical procedures or prescribing antibiotics for infections.  I'm talking about recovering whom we are and living AS whom we are under our own power.  Could I have done this, alone?  I cannot say that I would have been able to get here without guidance.  For me, I needed the guidance of someone that wasn't standing in my cesspool who could actually see the entire scenario rather than just what was floating directly in front of me.  And, I don't believe that anyone can do this, alone, either.  When we are in the dead center of our personal cesspools, we literally cannot see anything BUT the rancid, stinking junk floating just under our noses.  We can't see what's beyond the bank because we can't see that there's a way out to begin with. 

And, this balderdash about "bad therapists" is an excuse to avoid digging in the dirt, for the most part.  NO.......counselors are not gods.  They do not have every answer for every situation, especially the ones who are just out of university or have been working "in the system" too long without seeking their own therapy to manage what they're dealing with on a daily basis.  They are not impervious to error.  They are human beings just as flawed and full of personal issues as their clients.  But, a mature, grounded, balanced counseling therapist will ask tough questions, point out painful truths, and cause their clients to squirm, sometimes.  GET OVER IT.  If they are saying something that isn't particularly flattering, that is the time to step back, separate the emotions from the equation, and actually take a long, hard look at what they're pointing out.  It doesn't mean that we're evil, broken, ruined, or wrong, but that we're human and that we have human foibles to work on.  That's all. 

Are there "bad' cousneling therapists?  You bet, there are.  Just as there are "bad" doctors, lawyers, legislators, spouses, religious leaders, CEO's, coworkers, etc..........of course, there are.  But, a counselor that asks the tough questions isn't necessarily "bad."  And, recovery and healing takes time, work, dedication, and more work.  Nobody can do it for us, and no pill, supplement, hypnotherapy, protocol, shaman, or single **Thing** is going to accomplish recovery.  There will be many things that are combined to affect true recovery and healing, but the only person who has the ability to work those combinaitions together is the individual, themselves.  Period. 

What a liberation this has all been!  I am okay, alone, and by myself.  I am okay.  I am good enough as I am and I don't need anyone else's acceptance or approval.  I am allowed to set my own boundaries and protect my very precious vulnerabilities from exploitation or abuse, without being fearful or angry.

As a result of the hard work that I've done and the dedication to evolving into an emotionally healthy individual, I am finally moving back into the world of art, and I'm doing it with a newly-found level of compassion for myself and others.  And, this is whom I have always been. 

I'm anticipating doing some strong spiritual healing, as well. 

It's a good day, and I am truly feeling balanced, centered, and grounded. 

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