And here's how I'll leave the discussion...

Typhon, it is obvious that you have been on the receiving end of much pain, that you have not lost the ability to extend compassion to others or become so jaded that you could care less about anyone else. That is remarkable, and it shows that beneath all the pain and confusion brought on by your illness you have a tender heart.

The example you bring on of your Mom is not really a valid one, simply because what your mother did was not in violation or dishonor of agreements (such as marriage) with anyone else. What she did was actually healthy and wise. What this man did is nowhere's similar, even though out of some deep sense of guilt you want to sympathize with him. Volumes have already been writen about his behavior, so I need not bore you or anyone else. SUffice to say that the worls is full of pain and sorrow which n turn causes more pain and sorrow. All serial killers were once little children, full of unmet needs. But as adults their actions can not be excused. Can you see that? Many other things fall in the same category.

Maybe just for your own understanding, perhaps you ought to re-read the entire thread again when you have some time. It will bring some clarity to you and further reassure you that you are not in the same boat as him. I sense a continuing fear of not being accepted or forgiven for your violations upon others. These are issues you will have to face and deal with on your own terms, but you can not be projecting your situation on that of others because in doing so, you confuse yourself and others as well.

There is no doubt from your writings that despite your many difficulties in life, you are a very bright, sincere and good person. It's too bad that you have caused others hurt and that they have hurt you as well, but there is a perfect antidote for the bitterness, and it's called forgiveness. Forgiveness not only towards others, but towards YOURSELF as well! Please forgive yourself and seek God's forgiveness (if He is at all a part of your picture), which is always readily availble.

Just remember though, than when you forgive others for their wrongs, or when others forgive you, that is not an automatic admission that all is forgotten. Sometimes it's just a cleansing way to close the door behind you and move on.

Many blessings to you :-) Tweet