Re: Am I wrong for ending it?

First of all, I would like to applaud you on the way you have been handling this situation so far, as for a woman with two very small children, you have shown a great deal of strength, compassion, and love for this man.

But while I understand how hard it is to strike out on your own with two babies, and he at least on one side of his face claims to love you and his famlily,in spite of not being physically violent, he is still putting you and your family in great danger, for as long as you are legally attached to him, his debts are YOUR DEBTS, and in the blink of an eye, you could loose the house and be out on the street. You could also have thugs after you looking for money.

You have to think of your children, as these are the most important, formative years of their lives, and to see you so upset all the time is not good for them either.

I know you want to love him unconditionally, and I am all for that, but sometimes you have to do that from a distance. First of all, you need legal counsel, as you must be protected from his gambling debts. I suggest you see a lawyer at once, in fact, the sooner the better.

Should you be aware of what he does while you are separated? This is a grey area, but you were not leagally separated, and the separation was for a coolinig off period. He showed no respect for you or your marriage by going out partying and drinking, no matter where he went. I am not against strip clubs (I was an exotic dancer myself once) but his conduct while you were apart was not one of trying to overcome the reasons you were not together, and so you have every right to be upset about it. He is not taking you, your family or his problem seriously and at the very least he needs a stronger wake up call, as the little trial separation was obviously not adequate.

Yes, I feel you should leave, and I feel the separation should be legal. I also don't think you should take him back until he can certify that he has been in counseling on his own and has not gambled for at least a year... he should have to prove this to you with his financial records and the input of his counslor, but in the meantime, you should maintain friendly contact with him (strictly platonic) allow him access to his children, and yes, since it is a legal separation, even date others. (You could join that group, Parents without Partners) He must know that he no longer has any claim on you, as there are other men out there and if he wants to keep you, he has to toe the line.

That ring means nothing, in fact, it was a slap in the face. You might consider selling it to help pay for the lawyer. If he cleans up his act, he can buy you a "real" one then with money that does not come from gambling.

Who knows? He if really thinks he is losing you he might grow up, or, if not, you might find someone who not only loves you, but wants to nurture you and take care of you. Try not to think of everything in black or white. Tweet