Maybe if I explain it one more time

It seems a common reaction to try to explain things to the abuser, as if they just don't understand. I have spent countless hours trying to get my husband to understand how he hurts me (not physical)and trying to explain basic common courtesy. He looks at me like I am speaking French.

I once read that it is insulting to your children to keep telling them the same thing over and over, it implies they can't understand such a basic thing as cleaning their room. A parent is suppose to tell them once and then when the child doesn't do what is expected, there is a consequence. I never did well with the kids and I do the same with my husband.

One of the things my husband does is literally walk out of the room, usually going downstairs and shutting the door, while I am talking to him. It doesn't matter what the subject matter is, but the most hurtful is when I am excited about something and telling him about it. I used to confront him, like follow him and explain how what he just did was rude, "you walked out of the room right when I was telling you about what happened to me at the bank!" He would come off offended, and angry, that I accused him and then justify his exit "I needed to get my shirt because I have to leave in an hour. I am sorry I can't sit and listen to your little stories all day but I have things I have to do!" (the apology was sarcastic)I would explain that he could at least have told me he had to leave the room, blah, blah blah. How many times I explained that to him!

I would get so angry! Now I just stop talking when he walks away. I still get angry but not as much. I acknowledge to myself that he is rude and he is trying to get a rise out of me. I try to deny him the pleasure of controlling me. When he comes back up he never wants to hear the rest of the story and I also let that go, he doesn't deserve to hear the rest.

by the way, I totally agree with you pursueing a restraining order and changing your phone number. If he violates it, have him arrested. It is not cruel or disrespectful of you. You seem to understand that you shouldn't try talking to him, you know it will do no good. How many times and how many ways do you need to explain it to him?

I wish you well.