Re: anyone

Great thread!! I stand corrected, soulful, on the difference between babies and adult N's. Makes sense.

My dad passed the test, too. I felt a strange familiarity at the "going through other people" dialogue, too. Dad always tries to get me alone to talk or interact with me. He, for YEARS, has gotten on my case for telling my sweethearts about my abusive childhood, he keeps so many secrets and lies - he has exwives that don't know he was married before, etc. He had girlfriends that thought he was so much younger than he is - I wonder how he explains his 44 yr old daughter, 24 yr old grandson, etc. :). But I digress - never would he ever deal with me in front of my sweetheart, and I would actually hide behind the men in my life to keep from interacting with him - if he hated the guy I was with, he would "disown" me, and I had some freedom - unfortunately, I hid behind other abusive men, so freedom was an illusion. Now I am with a very nice, normal man, and he has agreed to help me with my current dad problem. I will be curious to see what dad will do with Eric right there too.

Dad made a threatening statement to me back in Oct., and I don't know what happened to me, but something just snapped! He hung up on me, and I have not spoken to him since. He didn't call through Thanksgiving, but toward Xmas, he started to call, and I just cannot bring myself to pick up the phone and deal with him. So he calls and calls - once it was 15 times in a day , and at my work - I was a nervous wreck, and so I thought at that time I should just deal with him. I promptly called back after a call from him that said he was going to keep calling me until I called back, so I may as well deal with him, and sure enough, he didn't answer!! So I left a message telling him that I was tired of his threats (and I listed them, including the ones where he threatened to take my children and also the one where he told me that he was trying to figure out how to kill me and get away with it - I was 15 when he made that one), that he has never acknowledged my feelings, that he was toxic, etc. Well he got that message and left one that talked about how I had deprived him of happiness at Xmas and New Years because I didn't call him!!! Told me the typical line - "at least if you don't want to talk to me, call me and tell me so" - yeah, anything to engage me and seize control again. And of course, he never did acknowledge any wrongdoing or anything about my feelings.

Folks, I just cannot bring myself to talk with him. There is nothing that will penetrate the world he lives in, no words, no explanations, no NOTHING that will change him or help him see the light. I have prayed for God above to tap him on the head with a psychic change, but God has other plans, so what is the use?? To dad, I am speaking archaic Chinese. I have tried EVERYTHING. There is NOTHING left, and he is detremental to me. It is hopeless. I am finally come to terms with this, and just want him to leave me alone, but he won't. He came to my job while I was not there, and he will be back, I am sure, and all I can think to do is TELL THE TRUTH in a firm clear voice, because that is a public forum, and he will want me to be quiet and nice - I rent a room in a big salon, so there is some privacy but it is still a public place, and I would make nice in public always, but not anymore. I know I do not have to be loud or rude - I have class - but I have to not let this man regain control of me again. Sometimes, I wish that he would die so that I could have some peace - I know, believe me I know, that is not a nice thing to wish on anyone, it is just so hard with him looming in the background demanding his all my life. His grip on me has been so firm that I have been asked in counseling if I had been sexually abused by him. The answer is no, as far as I know, and that is when I learned of power and control, and covert sexual abuse. He was so violent with me as a teen that I bear physical issues now. My entire life to this point was one of great personal and financial struggle. I was raised isolated upper middle class, kidnapped from my mother than abused by my father. I am 44, and want one shot at not having to live in survival mode. I have worked for years on overcoming the barriers and obstacles in my life that prevent me from acheiving my highest good, and have been blessed with this marvelous man, and somewhat better finances. I am no longer surviving, I am starting to live. Eric often points out my survival thinking and living skills and assures me that it is ok, so it is a matter of changing some old, old thinking patterns. I ran away at 17, and have been "out here" since, always "looking for home". I think I have found it now.

I can't say " I will not have any abusive people in my life - oh, except THAT one (dad)". It negates the affirmative statement.

I am really rambling this morning, but I need support from you guys, and input as to how I may handle him when he shows up at my job. I can't answer the phone, as it is a forum where he will not have to worry about "face" and he will work very hard to acheive control. If I call back now, he will know that next time that all it took was 400 phone calls to wear me down. So that is not an option.

I hope that my higher power understands, and devises to keep him from me out of mercy. But maybe I am to stand tall in front of my own old dad and tell him the truth. I hope not. I don't want to. I am so tired and got beat up so many times in the past for revealing that I KNEW the truth about him. That is why he did it. He is too old to beat me today, but there are other ways to beat me, and he has always done a good job of it. I can't believe that one person can so all consuming. Yes I can.

Input is welcome. I wish he would go away. Tweet