Re: am I over reacting?

you know what, that's a good answer from the above poster. Reading about what your boyfriend did gives me the creeps a little as an outsider because it does seem a bit weird and a little violating - at least it's violating if you feel violated, but in reading the above posts, obviously that kind of thing is different in every relationship. It's interesting that you said he had his clothes on and was ready to leave because he knew you'd have a problem with it, yet he did it anyway. It seems disrespectful that he went ahead with something he obviously knew you would not be OK with.

It's possible you might have overreacted at the time, but being a bit of a drama queen, I can see myself reacting the same way - at an earlier stage in my relationship, anyway. Now, I might be miffed at him or weirded out, but I'm a light sleeper, so he'd never get away with it anyway! I get headaches, too, it's my M.O., so I know where you're coming from on that. (As a side note, try to get off the medication and clean out your body, get some structural work like good chiropractic, bodywork, craniosacral therapy....it's a vicious cyle with headache meds, I've been down that road, you'll get nowhere fast and you'll never get your headaches under control.)

Reading through this thread got me thinking about how my views have changed on some of this stuff. I used to be a bit selfish with oral sex, just in the sense that it always felt like an incredibly intimate act to me, and I never wanted to feel obligated to do it, i.e. there have been times when my BF will do something nice for me, like help me put furniture together or something, and I've felt like he expected it in return, which bugged me. I had some old hang ups about it, too, based on early experience with the wrong guy, which shaped my attitude toward it. I've kind of changed my mind on it though, in recent years. Fortunately my boyfriend doesn't have a huge sex drive, we match pretty well on that, but when I'm not feeling up to it and I can tell he is, I'm more apt to just make it about him. He'll ask me for it occasionally, and he's always really appreciative. I've even done it with a major migraine, just because I love him and I want to be generous, and it's usually pretty quick. I realized that guys look at it totally differently, and I needed to let go of my attachment to feeling put upon, obligated or "used," and it was easier once he told me how much it meant to him that I was willing to do it even when I didn't feel like it. That goes a long way in bringing us closer in the relationship, really. And I'd much rather it be with me than by himself with p 0 r n.

I hope you can work through this with your boyfriend. I read somewhere that we choose our mates to work through certain aspects of ourselves that need attention in this life, and it's not always easy. Tweet