Re: Getting off of Xanax and AF recovery failure

Hi, Clark

I actually did see you on BB yesterday, so I don't know why Mikey couldn't find you. I just joined there and learning different tapering methods. I have to admit it does give me hope.
I hit a wall in my recovery and in my tapering progress this winter and only now I begin to understand what's been happening to me. I found so many answers on this particular forum when I first found out about AF. I knew I was harming myself taking all those drugs but never looked at it from the body's perspective. Think of this intricate system of neuroendocrine responses and hormones that are regulated with delicate precision and balance!... And then you take something like xanax and hit this intelligent yet fragile system with it...In the context of AF I finally learned to appreciate how wise our body is and how badly we hurt it with those chemicals...
As for the benzos I thought I knew everything about them already. It's been a pain for me for many years, I learned to ignore it.
I tried to CT xanax few times and was very determined. I didn't sleep at all for up to a week, forgot how to speak english, then forgot my name, then what the shower is for, then saw my dead relatives and the list goes on... The relief of symptoms never came. After watching me chat with dead people for a couple of days my husband just couldn't take this anymore and put a little in a glass of water...But it was at least 3-4 years ago and I was stronger then. I can't even imagine what's going to happen to me now if I attempt to do the same. And I don't even want to mention the physical side...I'm just terrified of losing my mind mostly.
Amazing what a little colorful pill can do.

Why would anyone would "shove coffee up their ass" (lol, Mx) when going through this kind of stuff?.... How is that going to help?... Actually how is that even possible?... You got to have people helping you with this cause it sounds way to complicated for a person going through benzo WD. It's kind of funny in a bizarre way....

I'm going to figure out how to taper gently. I just know when it's going to be down to the very last piece it will become a struggle. I can probably get down to under a mg of xanax with direct taper and then switch to valium like many do.
I have to take it 6-8 times throughout the day sublingually in tiny little pieces of a 1 mg pill. It worked well until just recently. I would lower the dosage and feel great for like a day or two for some reason. Then I would have a really bad adrenal crash and insomnia became an issue again, so I had to go back to the initial dosage. It was strange, so I started thinking about AF and xanax connection. That's why I posted this. And I'm glad I did cause it really helps to know I'm not alone who has this situation struggling with AF and WD at the same time. It's sooo confusing to me in terms of symptoms that it took me some time to tie them together through the HPA axis.

It's amazing how much just being able to UNDERSTAND what is happening to you helps the recovery.

The worst symptoms are insomnia and stabbing pain in the upper back when I meditate. Loss of memory too. I hope it will come back...
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