difficult subject

Hi,

This thread has been something else. Some of the specifics of each person on this thread reflect my background. However, the thoughts of my children and parenting.... I'm 56. My son is 16, and my daughter is 14. I don't know that there is a right or wrong. You wake up in the morning, and with your mind think what can I do good today, and with your heart you say, "I will do it". Does it turn out that way? Many times no, but should that stop someone? It's not trying that's wrong, and it's far easier to not try.

I don't think God has ever given a father two better children. There really have not been any real issues. They do well in school. They have friends.

There are always internal battles. I fight the demons from my past. I struggle in areas I have no experience in. My children have grown up totally different than me, and thus I don't always understand where they are coming from. There is also the aspect of projecting/protecting them from the horrors I experienced. However, those things don't exist in their lives. I can beat myself up over "could of, should of, would of". However, at some point they have to take responsibility for their actions.

Human beings are pretty resilient. I just hope they remember and understand.

I tried for years to have some sort of relationship with my parents. My children liked my father, and got along with my mother. When my father was in the hospital, he was conscious, but couldn't speak. The three of us were in the room. I told John to tell his Grandfather about that summer when he played baseball at Cooperstown, NY. One of the few things I really knew about my father. He liked baseball. Never went to a game with him. As we were getting ready to leave, all I knew what to do was stroke his hair and look him in the eyes. I learned that with the infantry in Vietnam as people lay dieing. We left, and he died four hours later. I've only seen my mother once since then.

All my brothers have spent more time in prison than out. One sister long ago disassociated herself from it all with her own family. Another sister just sort of comes and goes.

The children's mother left about nine years ago. Four years later she wanted custody. There was a knock down dragged out battle. You have no idea of the social bias that exists against fathers raising their own children on their own. About two years ago John and Joyce said they wanted to spend more time with their mother, so we are on a week on/off basis. That was not easy for me. There was a lot of soul searching trying to figure out what "I did wrong". It hurt a lot. I suppose on one hand I could say I was successful in maintaining a relationship with the children and their mother, but I don't know how true that is. She has her own problems. Her father had abandoned the family when she was young.

Sooooooooo.... what is right?????? what is wrong????? I get up in the morning, and I think what can I do good today, and with my heart say, "I will do it". Does it turn out that way? Many times no, but that doesn't stop me? It's not trying that's wrong. There is always the hope of tomorrow, but I try to take care of today; tomorrow can take care of itself.

Arnold Tweet