So did your post

I would like to respond to both your post, and the one you are responding to - but there would be too much repetition so sslea, I'll respond primarily to your post because I relate to it the most.

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your story and I'm sure there's a lot more to it than what you have written.  Being able to write what you have in a public forum takes a lot of courage - even though it is published anonymously.  I hit PTSD from childhood molestation about 15 years ago from a parent who was "a man of god" (I thought he was god) who proclaimed righteousness and rules for everything - so when it hit, I was in utter disbelief, but because of what I was re-experiencing through the agony of PTSD, there was no way I could any longer deny it.  (I had denied it for ages.)   One of the first things I did during that era (the most difficult time of my life - and I've been in combat), was to write about my life from my earliest memories.  I didn't care about what I said or the language I used, I just had to get it down in writing (MS Word).  That made it real for me.  "Thinking" about it didn't make it real.  Writing about it did because I knew that what I was writing was true.  I wrote out my entire life story from my perspective without regard to who I identified or what I said, and as an ex-Marine I know how to "talk." I lived alone so I had no concern about anyone seeing what I wrote.  This process probably took me four or five months, but as the words rolled out onto the computer screen the tears also rolled down my cheeks.  For me the process was getting out of denial about the abusiveness of my family, including a sibling.  I believe that this is a process that anyone can benefit from if they were abused (almost everyone was on one level or another) to help get them out of denial.  I eventually told a son about what I was doing and he wanted a copy.  It took me a year to clean it up and what I handed him had little resemblance to what I wrote for myself, because I felt I had to leave out many of the gory details besides my salty language.

To be abused by a parent who claims a religious orientation - particularly a strong one, is the worst kind of abuse that a child can receive.  And verbal abuse is just as damaging (if not more so) than hitting.  Spiritual abuse (invading your personal space) always goes along with verbal abuse.  Your mother was in competition with you.  Your mother had/has a very low self-esteem and competed for your looks and personality and it came across to you as low self esteem in your reality (spiritual abuse).  What a parent abuses a child over, is what they lack within themselves.  There is nothing you could have done to make your mother happy.  It's that simple.  I learned that lesson in my growth process in extracting myself from my father.  He was so unhappy with himself that he couldn't stand to see any of his children being happy.  You will learn that parents cover up their deficiencies (I'm a parent) with facades and their facades most of the time are the opposite of their true inner feelings.  (One could write volumes on facades.  We are not our facades.)  

You have recognized some of the abuse you received from your mother, and that is a major step in a healing process.  I don't really know what to tell you in how to pursue your self healing because there are many paths to healing, but I will say this - don't stop the process.  Find a way to rid yourself of that low self-esteem which isn't even yours to begin with.  Take a look at things that attract you to discovering yourself.  Counseling can sometimes help but there are many counselors who I wouldn't trust to give me the time of day.  From my perspective and experience, avoid any hypnotherapists.  Even hypnosis in the hands of qualified counseling professionals (MD or Phd) are not always neutral.  It can plant false memories and images and that's my biggest complaint with it.  My path is one of reflective meditation - a turning within, in a meditative state and communicating with the god within.  God is within everyone of us and can guide us in our path to identifying the bright light that each of us are.  Also, don't worry about reconnecting with your mother.  That is not necessary.  As you heal yourself you may find that you might wish to do that, or you may find you never want to see her again.  That's something that you will find during your healing. 

I'm so glad you're a fellow sinner.  I'm so glad that I "backslid" from the religion of my parents.  It is what has enabled me to see the world as it is, instead of through the eyes of hate.

Your post hit a chord with me, and I just had to make some kind of response.  Best to you in your journey and remember - you are a bright shining light with a tremendous amount of love within yourself that is there for you to discover and use.