Re: The gist of the matter...
Yes, if a person so chooses "God dwells within" as "I am who I am" (SELF), but many people were taught that He is EXTERNAL only and they could never find an INTERNAL "self" for Him to dwell.
I understand what you are saying about "self", that's something that we search for and long for all of our life (peace of mind), and we only find it by "feeling" our "hurt",...because we're taught to conform and not be truly independent and self-sufficient (other people resent TRUE self-sufficiency in a person and call it "arrogance" and [unjustly] "selfISH" because they'd rather we be DEPENDENT on them (so they will be OUR HERO). Some people don't just resent another person's independence, they have the insecurity of being jealous of it because they lack the courage to have their own "self", so no longer be embarrassed to be 'I' (the word "me" only REFERS to yourself, but "I" declares YOUR existence).
SELF (self realization) is the real "holy grail/golden fleece" and the greatest gift a parent could share with their children (probably the biggest reason for parental failure).