Re: Peace???

you describe me 6 years ago. my heart is broken hearing you speak. if i had the wherewithall, i would come and help you out of this. i know you need help. i can tell you this much, there is none out there. none that will actually do you some good. you are going to have to dig inside and find the strength to turn it around yourself. in the end, only you can do this anyway. like dorothy in the wizard of oz, the answer has been with you all along.

here is what i had to do. i had to stop caring what anybody thought. i had to stop worrying about how my needs would be met. i had to start at the beginning. i became as a little child. i became my own mother. i became my own father. i gave birth to me, and nursed me and tended to my needs as a newborn infant. amazingly, i began to grow. i was literally in a fetal position stuck in my bed. i learned to crawl. i learned to walk. i learned to feed myself. i learned how to find out the things i needed to know. i came to buttheads like me on websites like this asking stupid questions that had no answers because the answers were inside of me all along. when i finally found the answers i was looking for, i recognized them because i already knew. i determined to trust those answers and follow them. and after years of doing this, then i could tell others the answers. i knew what they were because i had experienced them first hand. i had done those things and they were a part of who i was. suddenly i realized i was a new creation. the person before had gone and was no more.

oh yes, it was hard. there are some here who rememnber when i first got here. i was then an angry young adolescent. it wasnt a pretty sight sometimes. it is still hard, as i am not finished. but at least i am a young man just getting started instead of a man old before his time and dying prematurely. i still have no help. i only have opposition. every day is an uphill climb. but now i dont get weary. now i dont want to give up. now i see improvement every day. now i have hope realized instead of hoping in apparent certain defeat.

if you can walk to the bathroom and back, you can make it. if you can come here and face your problems with strangers instead of handing yourself over to the death merchants of our civilized society, you can make it. i did. i did it because i believed i could. i believed god wouldnt let me die if i wanted to live. i trusted him by trusting myself. he created me, so i had to trust that he made me right and that included the means to see where i went wrong and to get it right.

it has worked so far.