Peace???

My soul mate left me because of this sickness. 6 months of emotional turmoil did him in. Because of this bromide detoxing or whatever, he finally cracked and left without a word. I have NO ONE but him. No family, no friends. He took the car and I am stranded here. He pays the bills, I don't even know where my checkbook is. I have slowly become an incaple invalid who depends on him for everything. Now, I know you'll all say, well here is the perfect opportunity for you to become self-sufficient but no one understands the depths that my dependancy goes .. I can't even do laundry or make a bad. Never have in my life. Not even as a kid. I have always been different and people have always taken care of me. Not to mention that it might be one thing if I wasnt sick but not only am I sick but also I think this new room we are in is making me sicker. Now I am forced to stay here even if it is just to pack up (which I have no clue how to do!) He wont answer his phone or check messages. And I know him, this is really the end. This guy loved me so much that he would never leave me "normally" - he could only do it if he cracked so hard there was no other choice and all my illness and Depression for 6 months nonstop did it. So now how do I find peace? I dont even have a friend to call to help me out... is there one good reason to not kill myself now? I wanted to kill myself even with his love while dealing with this illness. I have NOTHING NOW. And it is my fault and I cant take back how I treated him during this, I took it all out on him.

What I had wanted to do and wished I had done was post a message saying that I wanted to live somewhere else for a month while I recuperated ... I would pay for it, just to get a breath of fresh air in my life and try to start over on everything ... learning how to be self sufficient and giving him space and getting myself well. Now I am trapped in a room full of crap that is probably making me sick, and I dont have any hope. Tell me how I should find peace now?! Tweet