you are clearly not the problem

if i were you, i would cut my losses now. if that woman - who claims to be your WIFE - is behaving THAT badly, THAT selfishly, and is completely disregarding your feelings, showing no real remorse, and most importantly, completley unwilling to try to change and get help, then you are wasting your time.

you say she's tried therapy, tried some books, admitted to lying to the therapist (meaning she got nothing from it and wasted your time, efforts, and money - and she did this intentionally?!) well, that being said, it's great she was even willing to kind of try, but where's the effort now?

i have some sympathy for her since she is clearly mentally ill, but that is not your problem. you gave her a chance, several chances, to try to change, and stop treating you like something less than human.

is this something you're willing to live with for the rest of your life? i realize that having a child with her makes it a bit more complicated, but you know that (based on your past, you obvioulsy know that). is it worth it? i'd be afraid to allow my kid to stay with her, she's not going to treat that kid any differently than she's treating you. leave her, file for full custody of your kid. you do not want your kid being messed up because of your current wife's ways.

my personal experience - i grew up in a household where my mom was something like your wife (although your wife is a more extreme version of my mom i admit, but that just makes me beleive that your situation must be far more miserable). it was hell, i wanted my parents to divorce and i wanted to live with my dad. to this day i still feel the effects. you do not want this for your kid.

in my personal relationship. i was a bitch, am sure i still am at times. the difference is that i was aware enough of the situation to know i was making him miserable, i knew i was cutting into my husband without good reason, i knew i was making this house miserable, and for no good reason at all. i sought help, tried to change, and did. it's not easy to change your ways, it takes a lot of hard effort and work, but it can be done - in most cases. your wife does not WANT to change, therefore she won't. get out now. if i had stayed as i was i would have EXPECTED my husband to leave me. what really led me to therapy was knowing the pain i was causing him, i couldn't live with myself, but without therapy, i wasn't able to change my horrible behaviour on my own. i still slip up, part of it is extreme insecurity, but overall, we are far far far happier.

anyway, good luck to you, that's just my 2 cents.