Thank you for opening up and sharing what must have been really difficult to share. I'm sure you will help a lot of people just by what you wrote. That was very brave. You are not a bad person. If I could offer you any advice, I would say that you are a beautiful person beginning a wonderful healing path who needs to forgive herself. There are so many cases where the cycle of abuse perpetuates itself. Please don't perpetuate it with abusing yourself. You are absolutely deserving of loving and being able to love yourself and to be loved.