Re: the real bible?
Join the crowd. Good luck in your searching. In the mean time, I've come to the conclusion that anyone able to read/speak Hebrew or Aramaic, ideally, or perhaps Greek & Latin as second choice, is not held hostage to the same degree of perils and murk in the various English translations the way most english-only speaking folks are. Then all you need to do is get your hands on a copy of the original transcripts, if such exist. Various conspiracy rumor frequently suggests that if you were lucky enough to be given some unfettered time to scrounge around the basement library vaults under the vatican, you may well find there what you seek. If you get that far, the only thing left to do is get out alive and live long enough to tell us all about it - give us the straight dope being sat on by the pope ;)
Just the other night I read a post on a forum where two significant assertions were made regarding particular bible translations, the latter one that I've heard/read various other places before: #1, the Douay-Rheims version (an English translation from the Latin Vulgate) was said to be entirely free of any of the revisions that took place in both the New and Old Testaments since 395 AD. This is not too bad when you think about it, but this still does not account for all the alleged clandestince bible revs done by one Constantine the Great during the early to mid 300s AD.; #2, since you are well familiar with the Illuminati, you may already be aware of the claim that the KJV-1611 version (said to be mostly authored by Roger Bacon on behalf of the King) is alleged to be a version written to the specifications dictated by the hierarchy of satanic masons of that era. In other words, KJV is supposedly a masonic-playbook for subjugating and controlling christian participants/adherents of humanity, while also mis-guiding them to their spiritual destiny.