Whoa, Girl!

Its clear your husband has had sex with other women while you have been married (empty condom boxes and all) and yet you never come out and say it. Why?? If you can't even say it, it leads one to believe that you are in serious denial...

I'm not criticizing you, just encouraging you to come out of denial. It hurts, but if you refuse to walk in the light of truth, it WAY negatively effects your relationship with God, even tho you may put a lot into that relationship in other ways.

(You sounded like a religious person from your post- my apologies if I misunderstood.)

I had a marriage similar to yours in some ways. When my then-husband finally got excommunicated from the Church we were in and then later re-baptized, I decided I wouldn't go thru that again- that if things ever got bad again, I would leave. They did and I did (three kids and everything).

I realized that our marriage was a disgrace to the word "marriage" and that if I was going to not die inside, and if was going to believe in love again, it was going to be outside of that marriage.

I don't go around telling everyone to get divorced bc I got divorced, and of course I would have no idea what your path is. But your relationship sounds very sad, I feel for you. Trying to get yourself not to care... I don't know about you but to me that was not good to do to myself.

Whatever you do, aim to be free of denial (to walk in the light), and to keep your heart alive at all costs! Living like that (which is a process) will probably do one of two things: end your marriage or *bring it to life*. You sound like you have enough tenacity that the latter is very possible. But one of you has to risk and wake up!!

Good luck whatever you decide!
Rebecca