Re: Where is your marriage contract? What does it say about sex?

I want to give you an example of what I have done to really help this situation. We have a lot of problems but I decided to put it aside and plan a really nice evening. It was my husband's bday and I asked what he wanted to do and he asked if I would make him lasagna, his favorite.It is a 2 hour deal to make all this but I did it for him. So I had the kids go to my mom's for the whole evening and stay overnight. Husband came home. I had the dinner all ready and even made his favorite cake. He enjoyed the meal and thanked me. Then we went for a walk around the neighborhood. I did not bring up anything negative. We held hands. It was pleasant. We went back home and I gave him a new ipod one he wanted and I even figured out to put songs on it. This was comical because I had no idea how to do that. I had my kids show me how to do it! Mike was impressed that I took the time to do all this. I told him I had more planned. He said, "ooohhhh" I told him to give me 5 minutes and meet me upstairs. I had in the bedroom a comforter laid out with rose petals. I had soft music that he likes, a candle of his favorite scent and put on perfume he got me. I had bought a new outfit that is his favorite color. I called him up and he saw it and said, "wow!!' I called him over to the bed and started moving my hands around. I grabbed his front and asked him " if someone could come out to play." He grabbed my butt and said "you have the greatest @ss." So of course I am thinking this will be great! I told him I even got massage oil. He said, " you are so great to me. Give me a minute to wash up. " He went into the hall bathroom so I waited... and waited.... like 20 minutes. I got up to check what was going on. He was not upstairs. I went downstairs and he was watching CNN still fully dressed! I looked at him with that WHAT THE H.. look! He made this puppy dog look and said, " Oh I am so sorry.... just don't feel like it."

I went upstairs and started bawling in the bathroom but there was no way I could go to sleep so I got dressed and left. I went to the park district track and ran and ran to release steam ( I really wanted to eat the rest of the cake I made but I felt exercising would be better!)

I came home a few hours later and he was in bed with a note on my pillow that said," I am sorry for being such an @sshole."

the next morning I said nothing nor did he. It has not been discussed since.

I can not just leave him. He is such a great dad and I don't want my kids to be raised by single parents. I had that and it was hard as a kid. I lost my house, school, friends by moving when my folks got divorced. Plus with the current real estate market we have lost so much equity that I can not afford to move.
I do love him and he is a good provider and is so involved with his kids, family and mine. He has helped my own mother and sister with a lot of things. He is super handy and fix anything and he will help anyone who needs it. But when it comes to our intimacy there is nothing.

I am hoping with some counseling there is hope! Tweet