I thoroughly apologize for assuming that you were working in a group home environment! The details that you were relaying sounded as if that's where you were working! Again, I apologize for my assumption.
I gently urge you to seek your own therapist, and not begin practicing ANY technique that you've read about in a book - YET. NOTHING takes the place of a good, effective counselor and, while posting on this public forum may seem helpful to you, you're not receiving one-on-one interaction that will utlimately help you so that you can help your kids. You're using words that are deeply troubling even for people just cruising the forum boards. Imagine how your Self is absorbing and all that you've been witness to!