Re: relationships

I'm reading some great posts here & made sure I marked "Agree" w/ the ones that really stand out.

Is it at all possible to find someone who doesnt do controlling, manipulative things in relationships?
Werent we supposed to learn not to name-call, harass, yell, hit, lie, steal, cheat... in the early years? This stuff is just basic, isnt it? Is this nation really so full of such immature people, or do I have a sign on my forehead that says "welcome controlling abusers".

Does dating ever take place where red-flags dont pop up, at least once? Whew!

Maybe some people are at a certain state of immaturity/undevelopment, & they are more insensitive, & indifferent to the sharp comments that bite, & maybe, this being the norm, many people are not particularly aware of it, but those who are sensitive, & aware, & respect themselves, must certainly have a tough time finding a partner to open up to. Is it really that rare, or difficult to find someone who treats people with respect? I feel that it's important to learn to stand up for oneself, to bullys, thieves & the like, but come on! I feel one's life-partner should be a safe-haven from such crap, not to mention one's parents.

How does one know a blatant obvious permanent red-flag, from an accidental misjudgement, to be overlooked & forgiven, on the part of a potential partner? & what ever happened to the ethic of "turn the other cheek", instead of "you want a war? I'll give you a war!" spoken in the meanest wrastling voice. For God's sake! Where are all the genuinely caring, nice, friendly people in the world?

Personally, I see society as really sick. We got toxins coming at us from everywhere, as well as immorality, & ignorance being spread by mass-means. Dumb, immature, angry, oversexed, unstable populations may be easier to goad in to war, pillage & control, but it's so far from the ideal, & so sad & full of suffering.

I'd rather be single, & desperate/frustrated, than in a commitment with a cruel tyrant who makes repeated assaults.

There should be a singles site devoted to truly nice people, w/ a thorough questionaire testing real moral development (God is love. Turn the other cheek.)

As for the woman who started this thread, what I would do is, tell the person who is abusing you that he is lying & demand he stop, & explain that when he does it again there will be consequences, & name them, & follow through, but do not use this for things a partner has a hard time controlling or something petty, you could end up being the tyrant if this is taken too far. Also, I personally feel it's wrong to withhold sex, if it's gotten to that stage, let him know on the next offense he will be set free. Maybe make an award system too, but really, shouldnt adults be mature enough to respect the other person & not to do this kind of crap in a relationships? It's not about punishment, it's about self-preservation/protection/health/survival. Explain it to him. When he tells you that you're lying he's redefining your reality (as if he was God)& that's evil, & must be stopped. No one can tell another their intent, or reality, no matter what the excuse. EFT, prayer... can be helpful but ultimately only the tyrant has the ability to choose to change. I'd rather die trying to achieve freedom than die under the tyrany of a tyrant. Tweet