Re: waxing

Yepper, men can be as challenging to us as we are to them. I like that
concept of diffusing since that does feel like what it is. Or at least I am
am a nurturer so my goal is usually to get a guy to a place where they
can own their feelings and not project their issues on me. For the most
part, I enjoy men and so find something redeeming about most of them.
I've not met a woman hater though that would even feel comfortable in
the space a guy will usually find me. If looks could kill...they have been
so hurt, they are like walking wounded.

The older I get, I am also less interested in enabling a guys bad
behavior too. I also have a *test* that weeds out a taker real quick.
I put a ten dollar bill under a magnet on the fridge. If it stays there,
that is a good sign. If it disappears or a guy asks to borrow it, I give
it over readily and am glad that learning that lesson only cost ten bucks.
For the most part, men do not want to be worked on or fixed or even
entertain the notion anything is *wrong* with them. Fortunately, I had
good luck finding counselors that the men I drug them to could
respect. Counseling has always been a good option for me since
a guy would hear the same thing from a stranger, alone in a room,
that he would never hear from me. It also worked to provide ground
rules for when we were at home and issues would come up. It felt
akin to reading the rules BEFORE playing a board game. Plus in
general, I am always looking for a win-win situation, not one where I
have a guy pinned emotionally to the ground, or I allow him to put
me in a choke hold...ggg.

I am spoiled and have mostly enjoyed smooth relationships since I
am good at communicating especially after cutting my teeth on the guy
I described in my last post. Counseling helped tremendously and
I learned that I was one of the only two women he had ever loved,
one being his mother. What counseling did for me was to help me
integrate that this method of his coping most likely would not go away
and that if I chose to stay in the relationship, and marry him, I would
have to face this issue over and over again. When I went cold turkey
and shut him out of my life, I probably saved his life since I am sure
I would have eventually inspired some ugly violence. I was naughty
and when he would lock me in the house, I would climb out a window
and go grumble with the girls, who did give me wonderful advice which I
answered with, BUT I LOVE HIM~! translation= I do not love myself
enough to want to put a stop to this bull sheet~! I never gave him a
any reason to not trust me...it was simply his fear that I would fail him
that kept him hammering me whenever *his stuff* would come up
for him.

Lets see...he has now added artist to his list of accomplishments,
but that was only what one of my brother's told me. I never looked
back once I let go. I do not regret growing up with him and would
have stayed except that he had literally worn me out emotionally.

Wax~! Wax on girlfriend...we are making progress...ggg. Age
does give you hindsight and if you are smart, you learn along the
way, so pretty much, there are fewer times when we have to second
guess our ideas of what we need and want...finally...hee hee.

blessings,
Zoe

-_-


ps. how many shoes and boots did you acquire in the name of
love?? :p
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