Re: Narcissism vs life

With regard to running from an abuser:  if it were easy, we wouldn't have men and women being killed on a daily basis by someone who is attempting to hold onto what they consider to be personal property, and NOT human beings.

My narcissistic perpetrator had everything when I finally left, even our children who, by the way, have turned out as diseased as he is in spite of every effort to involve them in counseling and demonstrating to them that I will not tolerate abuse by anyone, them included.

Some individuals are able to get out of a narcissistic relationship by simply moving on - they are not involved in a civil/legal contract and have nothing at stake by moving on.  Others have lost everything during their relationship, including family support, safety network, jobs, finances, etc:  they are utterly alone.  Most often, there are children involved because the narcissist doesn't WANT TO BE A PARENT, but they WANT TO BE OWNERS OF TOOLS THAT CAN BE USED TO INFLICT PAIN.  When children are involved, the victim nearly always loses as most divorce attorneys are unaware of the incredible destruction that a narcissist can inflict.

Sure, as thinking, feeling human beings, we should all know that we need to run, ASAP.  But, in all honesty, when a person has been battered down for years (decades), dehumanized, and objectified, rising above the damage and finding something to focus on as a light at the end of the tunnel is a monumental task.  It takes the following:  recognition of having been abused; formulating a plan of escape; setting up a safety network of support; finding housing that will remain unknown to the abuser; hundreds of hours of counseling/therapy; and getting out alive.

Am I exaggerating about getting out alive?  Oh, no...just 5 months ago, a local cop shot his wife (who was leaving him) to death, created self-inflicted "defense" wounds, and tried to say that this 5'5" 140lb woman was trying to murder him with a kitchen knife.  Never mind that he had on his Kevlar vest, or that he drew his Police issued Glock 9mm semiautomatic service weapon and shot her to death.  Even the nurses and physicians in the ER that tended his "defensive" wounds recognized that they were self-inflicted!  No......getting out is a life & death gamble after a long-term relationship with an abusive narcissist, and it should never be taken lightly, NOR should anyone (even children) know about the plan or when it will be carried out.

Blessings to all of those out there who are still living in torment, fear, isolation, and pain - this is a new year and your answers will come, but, above all, make it your personal goal to evolve from "victim" into "Survivor!"