I find your post somewhat confusing and I disagree greatly about the gender that NPD strikes the most: I think it is men because women are such nurturers by nature. Men are handed a silver-platter in many regards: ego, they are "top-dog" gender-wise, maybe even racially. (My NPD person said when I even first met him, "My race was MEANT to be superior." Yikes. Talk about a red flag. I should have run the minute I heard that.)
However, in the course of the years, he has had to tremendously soften on that (unless he is lying to me!)....because I was as rainbow as rainbow gets all of my life. I just make a very bad victim and I do think I have influenced him alot to knock this $#*+ off. Maybe not.