Re: What would you do?

> Gosh, you not only answered my post, and that rarely happens, but you actually
> thought about this, which happens even less.

:-) Ha ha I love your sense of humor!

> Now I'm embarrassed reading all that stuff that I wrote at you. What a fluffy thing
> to do, giving you advice.

Well you'd be right if I didn't ask for advice; but I clearly and explicitly did. So, it wasn't fluffy at all - it was cute and helpfull above all!

> Gosh. New baby! Congratulations! Now THAT is an intense experience, and that sure shifts the lever on the planet. That's the natural center of it all. It's a huge change for an individual or a couple for sure. And yup, the child comes first, and whatever provides the best growing experience.

Thank you! I also believe that the effect of divorce on children is so great that no matter what - except for physical abuse or dangerous chemical/alcohol dependency - parents should stay together. Make that marriage works like you're the last couple on the planet and the whole future of the humanity depended on you two. That's my attitude about those things.


> I wonder whether, in general, this wonderful lady just doesn't feel good, plain and
> simple. Now don't go and quote me. ("Oh honey? This delirious person at Cure Zone
> says you don't feel good.") She sure has a lot of assets and wonderful points, huh?
> Rapport with kids including her own, rapport with animals, affinity with the land
> in sun/water places like CA and HI. Those are excellent ingredients.

I wouldn't quote you like that (I'd say "honey, do you, being a wonderful lady and all, not feel good?") ;-)

You're so right about her assets. I mean, it is hard enough just to meet someone who really appreciates kids for what they are - I see a new human being there who depends on me for everything, especially his/her future! Others see a nuisance... But my wife is same like me, without even ever having to talk about it. And other things like her incredible and almost perfect intuition (unless clouded by anxiety and fears), healthy belief in God, talents in arts, etc...

But not feeling good? I don't see it that way. More as: bad things happened to her, she never had a chance of outgrowing them (lack of support in that respect), and now all that negativity is accumulated, never vented, so she's an emotional pressure cooker, and now you just touch her or move her accidentaly, and a lot of steam gets outside and you (rahter - me that is), get burned. And I don't tolerate very well misdirected anger. If someone pissed you off - sure let it out, but not on me!

> Since I myself am steeping like a tea bag in a maelstrom of questions and fears
> about the meaning of my own life and what the heck to do about it, maybe the most
> useful thing to do is just look forward to your next installment and send lots of
> good wishes.

And sure, take it slow and rest up from that flu. It's easy for me to sit here on a soft chair and say take it easy, but even saying it from a hard rickety chair it's still true: you and she are going through such big changes evolving from a 2 family to a 3, I sure hope things settle for ya. And say, here's a totally off the wall idea: because you'e so busy and have so much going on, you might log on to http://www.flylady.net some time. I log in every day and always learn something. At first you'll look at that wacky site and say What?? but she grows on people and she has sure helped me one baby step at a time.

Anyway let us know how it goes.

Blessings to you and yours,

A

I'll come visit the flylady, and also want to thank you for unselfishly spending your time with some stranger's ramblings and doubts. For all you know maybe I am making all this up! (Which I am not)

Blessings to you too, and get better!

ps. Our relationship is better since she got pregnant; seems that one big doubt in her mind was whether I wanted to have children with her.
Tweet