Re: What would you do?

That sounds great, but what I haven't really stressed enough here is that talking to her is almost impossible if it's an "issue". (Maybe if we agree on it in advance... I'll try anyway).

If we are talking about weather outside, she may just complain about it a little, and that's all. If it's TV programming - same thing. But if she has a genuine problem she'd rather not do anything. If someone did something wrong to her, she'd rather lick her wounds and be pissed forever at that person then try and resolve whatever it was (like people from work or neighbors).
I haven't even noticed as it happens so quickly, but as soon as I try to touch on a sensitive subject, or even not a particularly sensitive one, she reacts harshly and comes out really angry. I don't think she even notices it. Even I don't notice it as it happens so quickly - before a conversation has even started, she'd have already yelled and left the room. Example: the other day we bought something that she needs to use, and she kinda tried it once in a rush, without really studying the user guide or illustrations, spent about two minutes with it, it "didn't work" for her, and now she's pissed that problem which that thing was supposed to solve is still unsolved. Now I am trying to avoid to say here what it is we bought as it contains personal info, but my thinking is - this thing has been used since the begining of time in one way or another, it is kinda a little more hi-tech version, but there is no way that it is useless. Or at least, even if it is useless, don't discount it so quickly and easily! It helped so many people, everyone is raving about it, not a SINGLE negative review anywhere, not thousands but probably hundreds of thousands sold, and to her it's "utter crap".
So now she's pissed that her problem is not solved, and I tried to mention to her that she gave up on it too easily by saying that maybe it's not perfect. For something that could help a lot, I'd make sure that I've tried using it every possible way, and only after I am absolutely positive that the thing is not working, I'd throw it away - and of course she got angry at me as if I don't really trust her. Well in a way, with that thing - I didn't; she is usually not very rational so she's often wrong. If she spent more time with it I would; the fact that her judgment was off so many times before didn't help.

Similar behaviour, only more benign: she hears a line from a movie and uses it later. I say the same line differently. She corrects me. I say - maybe you're right, but I think you're wrong (this is all in good humor, at least some communication - usually this shallow type of communication works). This is all still just a game - no serious argument of course. So she goes on how she is absolutely 1000% positive that I didn't get the line right, that she got it right. OK, maybe she is right, but it doesn't make as much sense. So as a joke, she plays the film from the DVD with subtitles on, and of course - she was wrong.
Her response? Well, what they put there makes no sense - it should've been as I said it! She kinda says this half jokingly, but on some level she also honestly believes that "they" screwed up, not her, and that the way she heard it makes a lot more sense (which it doesn't). From this example I'd learn to be more cautios next time I am ready to bet my life on my perception; her - she didn't learn much from that example.

Basically she was criticized too much. Just like with allergies caused by harmless substances, she will detect an attack even where there is none. This may be just a smirk on my face, or something I said and she didn't hear well, or even worse (and this is worrying) - just what someone else did on the street (once she got angry at me because some good looking woman was checking me out - and I didn't even notice what was going on, and never even noticed that woman either! Too bad, at least I'd get into trouble for a reason...), or her dream even.

I remember her being really pissed at me because she had a dream that I was cheating on her! Yes, it was a dream with me and someone we both know (can't remember who, but it wasn't an imaginary person; probably my ex), but it took me a while to get it into her head that what she was doing was bordering with a serious mental condition: acting on a fantasy as if it's reality! Then she would continue how her dreams are psychic (and sometimes they are), then I have to remind her that our dreams will also bring to the surface whatever is in our subconciousness which sometimes is fears and insecurities, then she may finally withdraw... but not before she forces the issue for at least an hour or so and totaly ruins my day in the process.

I think that dream example also proves that she is very insecure due to all the criticism she recieved.

And if I was to sit still and not even breath, she would find a reason to doubt me. She would start thinking "what is he thinking now... he is probably angry at me for such and such thing..." which I am not.

I also remember a few times she would act strange, and I asked her to tell me what it is, she had a hard time saying it, but finally admited that she thought I was angry at her. And during that time I was maybe deep into my work and work related issues, maybe a bit distant, but certainly not angry at her (not even angry at all). So then I realized how big her problem is - again reacting on fantasy not reality. I asked her then to always check with me when she perceieves something so negative about me -as most likely it would not be truth. She agreed, but I don't know if she's really sticking to that.

I guess, I am overloading whoever is reading with stuff... maybe it's fun to some poeple :-)

Also, I am trully greatfull for all the responses; I also enjoy reading what women have to say about this as they have different sensibility and can probably identify with my wife better then I can, at least as far as husban-wife relationship.

Any other comments are welcome!

ps. Since we are further from her parents now, she started remembering some ugly episodes from her childhood which she usually doesn't talk about, but it's about beatings, slaps she recieved from her father or mother, verbal abuses, etc... Maybe she was living a lie and the "program" is falling apart and this is what that process looks like? How long does THAT last then? Tweet