My goodness what a lot of deficiencies you see in your wife! Now I do sympathize that she won't discuss or face up to any problems. Been there with my ex, and it is the pits, you can never move forward. But on the sex part, did you consider a sex therapist? Is it really so awful that you need to make the first approach most of the time? Some women have learned, they are supposed to be the receptor one, not the initaitor. I understand you're concerned she doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as you would want her to. But in its own way, could that be your wanting to control when and how she enjoys it? Is she so dissatisfied she complains or what>