Re: I just want my life back

Dear collegue,

I am sympathize with your story.
I am not sure if I am credible enough to give you answers.

But maybe , God knows, maybe my view is your solution, you never know.

First thing that came to me when reading your story is your passive position. When expresing your reactions to the environment: collegues, community, familly is your feeling of
being weak no internal power to influence back without violence, without criticizing. To change your people I am sure you already heard for that flowery phrase : for changing others you must change your self. Or better said the way you are accepting others and after that you'll be accepted the way you would like. But you must turn your gear in active position. Now you re tied and blinded in the darkness of reoproachings, guilt, criticizing. You need light just small light that will pull you out.

I recommend you make the plan of your personal growth.
This plan should consist phases and control milestones where you check the way you would like to be, react, the way you would like to be accepted by others, and the way you would like to feel others and the way you would like to feel love and all what love is needed for: health, altitude to God , friends, your superior inner conscious...

Your active position should be consisted of many paths:

1. food
remove of all chemicals, of all food that is processed and all extracted food aditives, all drugs, ...

Base your food on vegetable/fruit juices at morning and evening ( mostly green ...that is very important for
rebuilding of your nervous system and glands system to get more peaceful ).

Other food : remove all wheat powder based products, all diary products maybe only fermented, meat...

Include a lot of omega3/omega 6 sources...that is extremely important for rebuilding of your nervous system, brain tissues regeneration, elimination of inflammation.
Those omega3/omega6 sources could be mix of pumpkin raw seeds from fresh pumkins juiced or grinded with grinded chia seeds and all diluted in green juices like mix of parsley, green part of celery, root part of celery, carrot,

I would recmmoned you allso to grow your own wheatgrass and drink each morning very early small half of glass of wheatgrass juice with some aditional water. Very early at the moring, then you can go back to sleep. And when wake up switch to juice of pine apple, green vegetable or instead of vegetable you can use juiced nettle and strawbery leaves and raspberry leaves...


2. Your mind
If I were you I would think how to employ my mind to be less restless more acceptive and more robust for outside world. Yes you are accepting ( you mentioned shy, quiet ) but you just surpress this in your mind deep inside you an that turns your mind away from your soul and slowly toxify your joint between your soul and your mind. Your mind is more turned to the society and others mind expression instead your mind could dance with your soul some gentle and energetic dance.

Start some actvity to ease your mind:
- meditation
- prayers in the church but where
you can turn deep inside yourself and be self-sincere
- you must process each day what happened to you and
put your inner light on that to express love on that
when you are hurt, angry, rejected, ignored
- do not forget the details of the event what is happening
to you when you were hurt in feelings
- try to observe yourself in every situation like
you step outside from your body and look the dialog
between you and your confronting familly member or collegue at job, or where you live, your love mate or
friend or someone with whom you have any kind of conflict.

- I repeat this is not easy task...for reaching that abilities you need activat your mind in right direction:
this only could be done with daily meditation and prayers.
Think of this not think it is the fact this is your
urgent hygienne activity each day.
Morning meditation/prayers when you wake up and evening when you go asleep. This is regular procdure. T othis procedure later when you're in the regular practice you'll include turn to mediation whenever you epect conflict or turning point of your situation.

Step by step youl'll become more predicitive and more stable and your intuition ( inner self ) will be more tolerant to people...your beauty inner beauty will atract people around you to express love to you that you desserve.

Do something for this love it is worthed.

You can help with your faith, you can ask help from God, Jesus Christ, ...try to go deep inside and touch the light inside you and then spread it on the people that you have contact with them or you are afraid of them, or angry with them...

And be prepared for defeats,...accept defeats, and go once more from the beginning.

Trust in your people, your contry, your town, your familly, spread your inner light of love on them.
They need you, they need your love and your attention.

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