Thank you so much for your message, it has helped a lot. I'm sorry you went through all that. I think that's why I turned to drink/drugs back then because I could be somebody else, albeit for a short while. I could be fun & lively & confident. Eventually, it had the opposite effect on me & I started feeling more & more depressed, so I gave it up.
Many, many years ago, I worked in a little newsagents shop & was on first name terms with all the customers. Everybody was so friendly & chatty & polite. We'd exchange cards at Christmas & I was even given lovely gifts when I eventually left. I hope that, someday, I will experience that kind of happiness again.