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Expand this whole thread (13 messages)
Frienship questions NY 21 y 3,794
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Frienship questions
I am not sure if it is something wrong with me psychologically or not or because I have been having insomnia, but I have been having problem to make real friends. I don't know how other people make their friends. I don't really know if there is such thing like real friends.
Friends to me are those ones who compete with you all the time, making use of you, happy to get a chance to omfort you when you get lost, and jealous when you win ...
When you read books, there are so many rules and advice about how to get a genuine friends. But none of them really work for me.
I find I like to make friends with someone who is not as smart as I am and not as pretty as I am, I feel less stressful around them. But end up, they always start to simulate my actions, which make me feel pressure again. I try to avoid them when that begin.
Just recently, two of friends tried to get divorced and slim just because I am divorced and slim. One of them was divorced now and trying her best to compete with me to find an ideal husband, another one's husband died before she got chance to divorce him. They are proud to tell me how their dates went on and how good their boyfriends are --- I am tired of hearing those things which keep giving me pressure because I am the one hotter and smarter but I don't have a BF. Then I try to hide from them and avoid talking to them, and try to make new friends but I know the simular situation will start again .... they have been cycles
People usually like to make friends with me and I guess my sweet smile make them feel close but I am afraid that they are the ones who are going to make me feel stressful and lose sleep eventually. -- End up, I am living a very lonely life although I am sexy, smart and well-educated.
What can I do?
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My ideal friend is nothing like you posted. I don’...
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This is a reply to # 595,159My ideal friend is nothing like you posted. I don’t compete to be better than my friends. I don’t get jealous of my friends. To me, a good friend is somebody that becomes an extension of myself. T ....
My ideal friend is nothing like you posted. I don't compete to be better than my friends. I don't get jealous of my friends. To me, a good friend is somebody that becomes an extension of myself. That is, we are so comfortable with each other that we can talk when we want to, we can hang out silently together too. We can go places or stay home. It's all okay. We can listen to problems and talk about good stuff. But we SUPPORT and don't COMPETE (at least not in a way that we would stress about it... maybe joking competition or something). So yeah, if you think friendship is about you being hotter, smarter, and having a sweeter smile so that you are BETTER than your friends, I can see that you would have a problem finding real friends. But, it sounds like you don't really need any friends either, afterall, who could ever add up to what you already have in yourself?
Sorry to be so straightforward, but it sounds like you have a "poor little perfect me" thing going on... -
Well, it goes like this NY. If you’re ”...sexy, s...
mtnndeww
21 y
3,025
This is a reply to # 595,159
Well, it goes like this NY. If you’re ”...sexy, smart, and well-educated” and still lonely, there’s something YOU’RE DOING WRONG. Could it be ”personality”? Could be. Could it be that you’re j ....
Well, it goes like this NY. If you're "...sexy, smart, and well-educated" and still lonely, there's something YOU'RE DOING WRONG. Could it be "personality"? Could be. Could it be that you're just dreadful at choosing friends? Maybe. It's really tough to decipher the truth on a message board like this because we don't know the truth about you. Are you bitchy? I know plenty of bitches that are sexy...and lonely. Are you overly-competitive? Plenty of lonely women climbing the corporate ladder out there. Examine how others react to you, not you to them but strangers and acquaintances to you. My bet is that you are not approachable, not easy to talk with, and somewhat detached. Am I getting warm? Sexy, well-educated women HAVE FRIENDS and HAVE RELATIONSHIPS. You say that you don't...hmmmm... -
Hello
I hope I can help you a little.
Real f...
zule
21 y
3,042
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This is a reply to # 595,159Hello I hope I can help you a little. Real friendship exits. It is wonderful and can make your life happy and worthy. Real friendship is about opening your heart. When you have a real fr ....
Hello
I hope I can help you a little.
Real friendship exits. It is wonderful and can make your life happy and worthy.
Real friendship is about opening your heart. When you have a real friend usually you talk about your needs, your worries, your wishes, you enjoy sharing and listening. Usually a real friend will listen to you when you feel sad, or are having problems, and you feel happy if you can listen and help. Also real frienship is about little things, like sharing joy and good time.
When you open your heart, it does not matter if you are hot or smart. It is about a human being needing company and love and giving company and love.
If your friend is having problems or feeling sad, you listen to her or him.
Friendship is about love, compassion, forgiveness, honesty and COMMUNICATION.
One thing that hurts friendship are false assumptions, and superficiality. It is not about giving and impression, it is about being who you are.
If your friend hurts you, you may feel sad, or angry, but if your friend is capable to talk to you openly and honestly, and your receive the message you can overcome those feelings.
I am not perfect, so I cannot tell you anything else. But I hope that you can realize that friendship can be great if you let love and trust enter in your life.
Blessings and love.
Zule
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Thanks for the reply. I’m a psyc undergrad major ...
Fountain of Youth
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This is a reply to # 595,179Thanks for the reply. I’m a psyc undergrad major and I do understand that the whole jealousy thing is a reflection of my own self confidence. This is the kind of reply I was looking for, thank y ....
Zule,
That was a beautifully put post! I felt too harsh in mine:)
FOY -
This is the way people change their behavior. You...
Am
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This is a reply to # 595,179This is the way people change their behavior. You see it as ”snide & cynical”. You want someone to baby you and see it your way. Go to a knitting circle or baby shower...this is a hard-hitting, ....
So how do you meet sincere friends?? The ones you can rely on and do non-superficial stuff with? I don't really have any...no-one i can count on completely. I'm only 22...it shouldn't be that hard!-
Listen...I can tell you from personal experience t...
mtnndeww
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This is a reply to # 595,190Listen...I can tell you from personal experience that once into your 40’s you can rely on VERY FEW FRIENDS to actually be trusted upon. Throughout college you’ve got a whole host of friends becau ....
Listen...I can tell you from personal experience that once into your 40's you can rely on VERY FEW FRIENDS to actually be trusted upon. Throughout college you've got a whole host of friends because you're all in the same situation, sort of a "team" of friends. Once out in the job force you carry very, very few of those college buds with you for obvious reasons. Then once you are in a steady job you develop "secondary" friends...ones that you see daily but really don't want much more than that from. I can count the really good friends I have on one hand...and I'm a guy that had friends "in spades" during college. I knew hundreds of folks on a first-name basis, but they didn't rise up throughout the years as solid or reliable as you say. Don't concentrate on how many, but how good are the few friends you have. Trust me, the older you get the less you will actually see of those friends because of your own family matters.-
You know, someone else said that to me...’you can ...
Am
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This is a reply to # 595,192You know, someone else said that to me...’you can count them on one hand’...maybe it’s true. I guess i should work on a few GREAT relationships rather than worrying about those friendships that h ....
You know, someone else said that to me...'you can count them on one hand'...maybe it's true. I guess i should work on a few GREAT relationships rather than worrying about those friendships that haven't lasted. I'm already at that point where those so-called 'friends' i had in high-school seem so superficial. I feel like they drag me down. I've just recently broken away from 'the group' and it's a lot better, but now i have very few friends. Hey, but i guess that's ok.
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You know, someone else said that to me...’you can ...
Am
21 y
2,892
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You know, someone else said that to me...’you can ...
just_peachy
21 y
2,893
This is a reply to # 595,190
You know, someone else said that to me...’you can count them on one hand’...maybe it’s true. I guess i should work on a few GREAT relationships rather than worrying about those friendships that h ....
Just be yourself and be friendly. Friends come in multiple levels, some are fair weather, others will be there for support - time and circumstances will tell.-
You know, someone else said that to me...’you can ...
Am
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This is a reply to # 595,195You know, someone else said that to me...’you can count them on one hand’...maybe it’s true. I guess i should work on a few GREAT relationships rather than worrying about those friendships that h ....
I feel superficial when i make small talk with people that i really don't see as true friends.
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You know, someone else said that to me...’you can ...
Am
21 y
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Listen...I can tell you from personal experience t...
mtnndeww
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Thanks for the reply. I’m a psyc undergrad major ...
Fountain of Youth
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My ideal friend is nothing like you posted. I don’...
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Expand this whole thread (8 messages)
How do I know if I have the right girl to marry #10011 21 y 9,798 † C †
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How do I know if I have the right girl to marry
I have been dating a girl for 2+ years. She wants to get married and tells me everyday. We have had a lot of turmoil in the past. She has some abandonment and anger issues. Otherwise she is a great girl and says that she wants me for the rest of her life. How can I tell if I have the right woman? What should I look out for good and bad?View all messages by #10011 on this forum, all forums.-
Listen up...anger issues with women (and men for t...
mtnndeww
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This is a reply to # 595,158Listen up...anger issues with women (and men for that matter) ONLY GET WORSE WITH MARRIAGE. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change her, or diminish this trait. Run for the hills! ....
Listen up...anger issues with women (and men for that matter) ONLY GET WORSE WITH MARRIAGE. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change her, or diminish this trait. Run for the hills! This is obviously the wrong one if "abandonment" and "anger" are still present in an adult woman. This is the best she will ever act (during dating) so consider yourself lucky that you found out now. Once married, she's got you by the balls!-
I agree with mtnndeww, keep running and don’t loo...
elly
21 y
8,879
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This is a reply to # 595,161I agree with mtnndeww, keep running and don’t look back. Don’t fool yourself into thinking things will improve after marriage. Each person carries alot of baggage from his/her life and if you ....
I agree with mtnndeww, keep running and don't look back.
Don't fool yourself into thinking things will improve after marriage.
Each person carries alot of baggage from his/her life and if you think marriage is the answer your dead wrong.
When you start living together as man and wife, the problems with anger will only exacerbate. It sounds like it could be a control issue.
When someone keeps after someone about marriage etc., what ever it maybe, to me it usually means they need to control the situation at all cost. Is your own personal happiness worth this "great girl", who may not turn out to be so great after marriage. You actually find out who people really are after a marriage, the mask comes off and the real person suddenly appears. You think you know them, boy are most people surprised when there perfect person turns into somebody else.
People have this need to change the other person into the type of person they think would be right for them.
Marriage changes everything,
If you do go through with it, i would go with my gut instinct. Think very long and hard about this lifetime commitment.
All i can say is good luck in whatever it is you decide.
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Ok, marriage may be the wrong thing right now. Yo...
#10649
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This is a reply to # 595,161Ok, marriage may be the wrong thing right now. You say she’s a ’great girl’...that doesn’t really sound enough. But, why would you run for the hills?? Maybe she needs help with her problems? W ....
Ok, marriage may be the wrong thing right now. You say she's a 'great girl'...that doesn't really sound enough. But, why would you run for the hills?? Maybe she needs help with her problems? Why can't you stick around while she sorts them out...if she's willing. The only other thing is she does sound needy...if she's mentioning it every day. DOn't marry her yet, but don't run!!View all messages by #10649 on this forum, all forums.-
”Run for the hills” is an expression I frequently ...
mtnndeww
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,191”Run for the hills” is an expression I frequently use to advise people in hopeless situations to get out, just move on. People today are just not good at sizing up situations (look at all the bad ....
"Run for the hills" is an expression I frequently use to advise people in hopeless situations to get out, just move on. People today are just not good at sizing up situations (look at all the bad relationships out there!). It's embarassing. My case is so easy to make. Run far, far away from troubling people because they will BRING YOU DOWN WITH THEM. You only have so many "good years" to find a solid life partner, why waste those years "rehabbing" a broken one?
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”Run for the hills” is an expression I frequently ...
mtnndeww
21 y
8,808
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I agree with mtnndeww, keep running and don’t loo...
elly
21 y
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If you truly love *her* (not what you Want her to ...
just_peachy
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,158If you truly love *her* (not what you Want her to be) and, AND she’s willing to work through the anger and abandonment and other issues, help her by being there as a friend, but do NOT get married ....
If you truly love *her* (not what you Want her to be) and, AND she's willing to work through the anger and abandonment and other issues, help her by being there as a friend, but do NOT get married until After she comes out from under all that baggage.
If she mentions marriage everyday, it sounds like she feels she NEEDS some hold on you to *keep* you. People should only make a serious committment to each other (like marriage) because they both want to, not because one or both need to. Marriage doesn't solve problems, it magnifies them. -
Folks, i only saw 1 reply i liked.
EVERYONE ...
#9009
20 y
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This is a reply to # 595,158Folks, i only saw 1 reply i liked. EVERYONE has baggage even MntnDew. Everyone has things they need to work through. Ask any pastor/priest/rabbi who’s done real marriage counseling. We ....
Folks, i only saw 1 reply i liked.
EVERYONE has baggage even MntnDew. Everyone has things they need to work through. Ask any pastor/priest/rabbi who's done real marriage counseling.
We don't live in wally and june cleaver world. People are broken down, warped and deffective. That is life in this imperfect world. Seek perfection, and you will be disappointed. The advice I'd give is, make sure the person is at the same maturity level so that you can TALK rationally and sanely about problems that develop for communication is key to a lasting relationship. The next is respect. A relationship of that magnitude and closeness cannot be whole and functional without respect. Respect her experiences, treat her humanely.. That should get rid of her anger.
HOpe you get this messageView all messages by #9009 on this forum, all forums. -
Re: How do I know if I have the right girl to marr...
Kate56
17 y
8,950
This is a reply to # 595,158
Re: How do I know if I have the right girl to marry Easy, buddy. Do you want to marry her the way she wants to marry you? Do you want to share your bathroom, bed, kitchen, lounge, etc. with her...
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Listen up...anger issues with women (and men for t...
mtnndeww
21 y
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Expand this whole thread (16 messages)
my relationship ABDomega 21 y 3,426
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my relationship
Newbie here!
My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months, tomorrow. I've never had a girlfriend and she has never had a steady guy (over 2 weeks) so pretty much it is the first serious relationship for both of us. We know each other pretty well and love each other.
A problem I have been having is that I just get really upset and jealous. I know she loves me and she always tells me I'm the "best guy she's ever met." But for some reason I always feel insecure like she could either be interested in other guys or willing to leave me after the school year (i'll be graduating she still has 2 years left).
What is strange is I still have these feelings even though she tells me she doesn't want me to graduate and doesn't know what she'll do after I'm gone. I just feel that she is naive and she can change rather quickly because she is so young.
I, personally have had no experience with girls whatsoever (just one kiss on the lip of ONE girl before my girlfriend). She, however, has kissed a lot of guys and before she met me she would drink and party and hook up with her "friends" at the time. This really pissed me off when I heard it even though I had no reason to because I wasn't in her life at that time.
I get jealous when she talks to these "friends" and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I'm really happy when I'm with her sometimes I get really down.
Sorry for the long post.
I'm just struggling with this-
Get rid of the jealousy angle and wise up. I tell...
mtnndeww
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,157Get rid of the jealousy angle and wise up. I tell guys this all the time. Women don’t want guys that ”puppy dog” them constantly. You’ve got to quit hanging on her every word. If she doinks an ....
Get rid of the jealousy angle and wise up. I tell guys this all the time. Women don't want guys that "puppy dog" them constantly. You've got to quit hanging on her every word. If she doinks another guy, lucky you. Really. Better to find out while your dating than when you really get deep into this. Keep some distance and make her come to you, that is how it's done. Don't invest all your emotions in your first girl because it's such a waste of time.-
I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am...
abdomega
21 y
2,656
This is a reply to # 595,162
I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am at now is to take a look at where we are at---he is really a cool guy, smart, artistic, driven, inspiring, responsible--I can’t overlook how much ....
Are you implying that because she is my first girl that the relationship is doomed for failure?-
I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am...
mtnndeww
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,173I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am at now is to take a look at where we are at---he is really a cool guy, smart, artistic, driven, inspiring, responsible--I can’t overlook how much ....
Are you implying that because she is my first girl that the relationship is doomed for failure?-
hey kid! mttndewd is ’’right on’’ on this one you ...
grog
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,174hey kid! mttndewd is ’’right on’’ on this one you need to have many girl friends before you should confine yourself to one ’’girlfriend’’ there is much for you to learn. Focus on school and all th ....
hey kid! mttndewd is ''right on'' on this one you need to have many girl friends before you should confine yourself to one ''girlfriend'' there is much for you to learn. Focus on school and all the people and girls you will meet there! good luck!-
Well this is a little disheartening. I really love...
abdomega
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,175Well this is a little disheartening. I really love this girl and she loves me. Who says it won’t last? I know a few people who have had their first serious relationship be their only relationshi ....
Well this is a little disheartening. I really love this girl and she loves me. Who says it won't last? I know a few people who have had their first serious relationship be their only relationship (my parents for instance have been married for 35 years and my dad's only girl was my mom). So while taking the advice of the two posters before me with a grain of cheap ass salt I'm gonna think about this one.-
This is a different world than one the your parent...
grog
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,176This is a different world than one the your parents lived in and I’ll bet money your new love has a totally different set of values than your mother! You can place caution to the wind or you can t ....
This is a different world than one the your parents lived in and I'll bet money your new love has a totally different set of values than your mother! You can place caution to the wind or you can take head! And besides if you already decided what you wanna do,why did you ask?-
You may be right but I’m gonna try to stick it thr...
abdomega
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,177You may be right but I’m gonna try to stick it through. I can’t assume the whole relationship is doomed for failure. If I do that I may as well dump her now. I don’t see any sense in getting wit ....
You may be right but I'm gonna try to stick it through. I can't assume the whole relationship is doomed for failure. If I do that I may as well dump her now. I don't see any sense in getting with a girl if there is not possible chance for a future relationship.
The reason why I asked was because it was me personally who is struggling with this. I was wondering if I could get some help with dealing with the whole jealousy issue. However what I've gotten are snide and cynical comments about the "inevitable" end of all first relationships.
Anyone else?-
A different take on the matter
just_peachy
21 y
2,774
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This is a reply to # 595,178A different take on the matter
Jealousy is a form of projected self doubt. You CANNOT control her; her actions, her emotions, her thoughts - none of it. If she wants to move on or just hang out with other people, is her decision and your jealousy will have nothing but a negative affect.
You CAN control YOU. Look into your reasons for feeling jealous - which is actually being afraid. Understand why you want to hold on so tightly. Work on your own self-esteem. Everyone has good and bad qualities. Don't focus on your negative qualities, look into them to turn them into positive ones. For example, don't berate yourself because you "never finish anything" (or whatever.) Instead, look into *why* you don't finish - is it because you become so busy helping other people? Or because you get so interested in so much? These can be turned into Very positive aspects in which you can say "I'm a giving and helpful person" or "I am an interesting and interested person who has multiple talents." From there, you can consciously make the choices to work within your strengths. (That was simply an example of the process, you may finish everything you start - which is a strength itself.)
Look to the positive. Focus on your own growth and on developing your strengths. These are your unique gifts that *YOU* have to share with the world - and in a relationship! As you get more self confident, the jealousy will fade or even disappear. After a while, you'll realize that you'd *much* rather have a relationship in which you both truly want to be together as equal partners and not one in which one of you always feels "less than" or "needs" to be in.
If she truly is the right one, she'll welcome your growth and grow along with you. If it's not supposed to be, you'll be stronger and more able to look at the situation for what it actually is and be free to make peace with the parting and move on.
Good luck!
May we all find what we need.
-
Thanks for the reply. I’m a psyc undergrad major ...
abdomega
21 y
2,774
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This is a reply to # 595,180Thanks for the reply. I’m a psyc undergrad major and I do understand that the whole jealousy thing is a reflection of my own self confidence. This is the kind of reply I was looking for, thank y ....
Thanks for the reply. I'm a psyc undergrad major and I do understand that the whole jealousy thing is a reflection of my own self confidence. This is the kind of reply I was looking for, thank you very much. In one sense you're telling me something that I already know, however that is probably what I was searching for all along.
The relationship is going fine. My jealousy is definitely not as bad has it has been and its only getting better. She told me that it's ok if I get a little jealous because if I didn't she'd see that as a sign for me not liking her.
If you guys think that this is a one way thing and that I'm getting attached to her without it being reciprocated you're wrong because she is very interested in me. She is the one who keeps telling me that I'm the only one for her and she doesn't know what she'd do without me or me leaving her life for a long period of time.
She is young however and I understand that she has much growing to do with and without me.
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Thanks for the reply. I’m a psyc undergrad major ...
abdomega
21 y
2,774
- Re: my relationship grog 21 y 2,757
- This is the way people change their behavior. You... mtnndeww 21 y 2,865
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A different take on the matter
just_peachy
21 y
2,774
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You may be right but I’m gonna try to stick it thr...
abdomega
21 y
2,827
- A word of advice from a communications expert: do... mtnndeww 21 y 2,754
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This is a different world than one the your parent...
grog
21 y
2,693
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Well this is a little disheartening. I really love...
abdomega
21 y
2,850
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hey kid! mttndewd is ’’right on’’ on this one you ...
grog
21 y
2,966
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I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,612
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I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am...
abdomega
21 y
2,656
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Get rid of the jealousy angle and wise up. I tell...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,672
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Expand this whole thread (8 messages)
Boyfriend problems. any advice Porcelina_84 21 y 5,129
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Boyfriend problems. any advice
ok, my boyfriend owns a really dirty site with dirty pictures. it makes me really sad and i know what hes doing is wrong. Ive had fights with this about him, but he says he only has cartoons and links to other sites, but no- photos on his site. Now i just found out that he has another site which he has been hiding, and it has disgusting pictures and photos. I rang him to ask him about it..and he hung up on me. Except at first he was saying it wasnt his site.
Also..he always the first person to look at a girl and call her a *beep*..but how can he labell anyone when he does things like this for a few dollars?
I just feel hurt by him looking at things like that..and he's making out that i dont have a right. Do i have a right to be this upset.. ?
Also..if you give me advise and u say 'all guys look at porn' That is fine...but keep in mind he cant stand me looking at ANY guys..and even asked me if id seen a males gentitals before!!! and if i was to look at a guys private part on the internet for example (not that id want to) He would get so angry because i should only see him naked..and he should be the only one!!! plz help with ur advice. Also he likes me to be 100% pure..yet he does this.-
ok, my boyfriend owns a really dirty site with dir...
kasia
21 y
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This is a reply to # 595,152ok, my boyfriend owns a really dirty site with dirty pictures. it makes me really sad and i know what hes doing is wrong. Ive had fights with this about him, but he says he only has cartoons and l ....
I think all guys look at Porn some time or another.I dont know about all the time though
I think a guy needs to answer this post lol
I'll be interested to see what they say :)
Sorry I'm no help -
A.Many guys have viewed p 0 r n at some point in t...
super_trend
21 y
3,206
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This is a reply to # 595,152A.Many guys have viewed p 0 r n at some point in their lives. B.More than a few guys view p 0 r n frequently. C.However, NOT that many guys have p 0 r n websites, let alone several p 0 r n webs ....
A.Many guys have viewed p 0 r n at some point in their lives. B.More than a few guys view p 0 r n frequently.
C.However, NOT that many guys have p 0 r n websites, let alone several p 0 r n websites.
I suggest you seriously consider looking for a new boyfriend..start with category A. -
Most, a large majority, of men have probably looke...
just_peachy
21 y
3,439
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This is a reply to # 595,152Most, a large majority, of men have probably looked at porn at some time or other (there are always exceptions.) Some look and are actually rather disgusted. Some look for a while and find it holl ....
Most, a large majority, of men have probably looked at porn at some time or other (there are always exceptions.) Some look and are actually rather disgusted. Some look for a while and find it hollow and shallow and move on once it becomes boring (I know a few guys who run a Very Large porn hosting service and after a while, it all becomes just a mundane job to them.) Others find enjoyment out of it, but can take it or leave it if they enter into a relationship and it's an unwanted intrusion. Others fight for their "manly right" to view porn ("All men do!" or "It's just a natural guy thing.") Still others actually get addicted to it. Possibly not as large a percentage, but many women follow very similar lines.
I don't see the porn itself as the issue. The main issue is the lack of understanding and cooperation. It does appear as he has a rather dogmatic and unrealistic double standard that he wants you to live up by. There is also the point that you have a certain moral standard of your own that you want him to live up to. Neither one is actually getting you anywhere.
Maybe the questions you should be asking are if he's hiding things from you now, what else might he be hiding and what else might he hide in the future? If nothing changes, are you willing and able to live with it without it affecting you and your views and values? Can you accept it and his views and actions as part of the life you want to live?
You can't change people into what you want them to be. We can simply accept them for who they are and then decide if we want to continue to closely associate with them or not. There are many people I know that I have no problem with them being who they are or acting as they do, but I choose not to associate myself with them as their actions and choices do not blend with anything I am comfortable having in my life. It is not judgment, just discernment.
Personally, if my husband was so callous and cavalier about my views and feelings about something and was unwilling to compromise because "it's just a guy thing", then I would probably pack up and move on (crying my eyes out for a month or so during the process.) Thankfully, after many (many, many) previous failed attempts at inter-relating, dating, co-habitating, and marrying other men, I don't worry in the least about the man I've chosen to live out my life with ever even considering to act that way.
Relationships require respect. Can you respect his choices and actions and is he respecting you?
-
Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What y...
#9009
20 y
3,402
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This is a reply to # 595,156Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What you said was right-on and well said! Putting up and shutting up just leads to him being disgusted with you and further disrespect. If he ....
Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What you said was right-on and well said!
Putting up and shutting up just leads to him being disgusted with you and further disrespect.
If he doesn't care about your feelings he doesn't care about your feelings. Don't fool yourself. Any human who is supposed to be your friend much less your lover, would care about not hurting you.. He doesn't and he doesn't care much about the truth it seems.
Move on.. seems like an empty well. If you told him and he did it anyway, shows no remorse, you can't make him careView all messages by #9009 on this forum, all forums. -
Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What y...
#9009
20 y
3,061
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 595,156Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What you said was right-on and well said! Putting up and shutting up just leads to him being disgusted with you and further disrespect. If he ....
Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What you said was right-on and well said!
Putting up and shutting up just leads to him being disgusted with you and further disrespect.
If he doesn't care about your feelings he doesn't care about your feelings. Don't fool yourself. Any human who is supposed to be your friend much less your lover, would care about not hurting you.. He doesn't and he doesn't care much about the truth it seems.
Move on.. seems like an empty well. If you told him and he did it anyway, shows no remorse, you can't make him care.
Take careView all messages by #9009 on this forum, all forums.
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Just Peachy, thanks for summing it all up.. What y...
#9009
20 y
3,402
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Guys that are into p 0 r n now are guys that will ...
mtnndeww
21 y
3,093
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This is a reply to # 595,152Guys that are into p 0 r n now are guys that will be into p 0 r n later. Involving yourself with people who don’t hold any moral standards is playing with fire. If you rationalize bad behavior, ....
Guys that are into p 0 r n now are guys that will be into p 0 r n later. Involving yourself with people who don't hold any moral standards is playing with fire. If you rationalize bad behavior, you deserve what you get. Some women just won't take a hint. What does it take...a load of bricks to fall on you? -
I think most girls go through something like this,...
rach2000
19 y
2,954
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 595,152I think most girls go through something like this, cause most of all guys look at porn. I know you don’t wanna hear that it’s normal but it is. I still get a bit upset when husband does it, but at ....
I think most girls go through something like this, cause most of all guys look at porn. I know you don't wanna hear that it's normal but it is. I still get a bit upset when husband does it, but at the end of the day, if he's only physically with you and sleeping with you, you shouldn't worry. i have a very open relationship with my husband so he explained to me why, he said it's just a thing guys have grown up with, they started looking when they we're younger and i guess it's just fun for them to see naked girls, and i'm sure it means nothing bad about you. But what's good for him is good for you, if he can do it so can you, even if you don't wanna it might feel nice to let him come across some of your naughty pics, show him how it feels. If he doesn't like it go home one day with some porn and insist you watch it together, i did and it opened up the discussion, he'll be less opposed to talking about it. I have a million friends going through the same thing so all i can think is that no matter who i find it's gonna be the same so don't let it bother you, or try at least. You'll be fine don't worry and just concentrate ont he thnings you love about hin, afterall we all have our faults.
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ok, my boyfriend owns a really dirty site with dir...
kasia
21 y
3,480
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Expand this whole thread (2 messages)
need help jaysangel 21 y 2,711need help
HI everyone.. I need some relationship advice. I ahve been with this guy for 6 months. We both had some big issues coming in.. I was trying to get a divroce and his ex was maybe pregnant with his kid.. We do fight a lot mostly because I have a trust issue. Lately he has been very distant. He works in a very high stress work place and just found out the child wasn't his. He hasn't been affectionate, or wanted to be intimate. He barely raises an eyebrow to me. He says he loves me but don't know what he wants. He tells me if I want to leave then leave. I am not sure what to do anymore. He is pushing me away but he says he is not. We live together and he helps raise my son. I know he has a lot of stress on him and he holds everything inside. I am just really hurting and am not sure what to do. He says he loves me, don't know what he wants, but then dont want to be physical or intimate, I think there is more wrong.. Any advice please?-
Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answ...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,130
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
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This is a reply to # 595,151Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answer me just that one question, please? Is this the best you can do for yourself? I’ll tell you how I play the relationship game: I set and hold ....
Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answer me just that one question, please? Is this the best you can do for yourself? I'll tell you how I play the relationship game: I set and hold true to high standards in people, in life, in everything. People who are chock full 'o problems are people I avoid like the plague. If you want more problems, continue on the road you're on...
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Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answ...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,130
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Expand this whole thread (6 messages)
Feelings for a good friend MNASH 21 y 3,180
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Feelings for a good friend
I have been friends with a great guy for 20+ years. His sister is my best friend. Anyway, the brother and I are both single parents in our mid 30's. We spend loads of time together, both with the kids and without. He is a great friend, we talk on the phone almost everyday and go out together without our children maybe twice a month or so. The problem is, I have feelings for him, and I think that maybe he does for me too. We have both been hurt in the past and I think that is holding us back. There is a lot of sexual tension there and we can say things to each other that we wouldn't say to anyone else. Any advice on how to proceed? I would love to have more out of this relationship. Thanks!-
Sounds to me like you started out on the right tra...
dmk10
21 y
2,320
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 595,144Sounds to me like you started out on the right track. What could be better then first being great friends with an understanding relationship to match. Sometimes taking a risk is difficult, but wha ....
Sounds to me like you started out on the right track. What could be better then first being great friends with an understanding relationship to match. Sometimes taking a risk is difficult, but what could be the worst to happen? If you are open with each other from the start, you will be able to make the best choices.
Don't hold back and then have regret that you didn't go for it when you had the chance. Go for it!!!Good luck.-
hmmm. i would count myself as a good conversation...
MNASH
21 y
2,200
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This is a reply to # 595,145hmmm. i would count myself as a good conversationalist. i can have a decent conversation with anybody about anything, even the really uncomfortable things. even with someone i really dislike. ....
Thanks for the advice. I would hate to have regrets. I guess I will have to work up the nerve to pursue this further!
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hmmm. i would count myself as a good conversation...
MNASH
21 y
2,200
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Here’s exactly what you do. Get your nerve WAY, W...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,282
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 595,144Here’s exactly what you do. Get your nerve WAY, WAY UP for this because I am a guy and I know what works! Trust me on this one. Invite him over for whatever reason (without the kids) and when h ....
Here's exactly what you do. Get your nerve WAY, WAY UP for this because I am a guy and I know what works! Trust me on this one. Invite him over for whatever reason (without the kids) and when he shows up at the door you grab him with both arms and give him the biggest smack you've ever given in your life. No words, just action. Then take his hand and waltz him right into the house. That will work, guaranteed! Can you do that? There's no time for pussyfooting around here; you're both adults...get on with it. If you can do exactly what I have advised, you will get your point across and the ball is now in his court. If he's any kind of guy at all, will deliver from there.-
Thanks mtnndeww!!!
MNASH
21 y
2,083
This is a reply to # 595,148
Thanks mtnndeww!!!
I think you're right, there's no since beating around the bush so to speak. I guess I'll give it a try!!-
Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answ...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,068
This is a reply to # 595,150
Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answer me just that one question, please? Is this the best you can do for yourself? I’ll tell you how I play the relationship game: I set and hold ....
Good! I want an update when you're through...
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Ugh...what a disaster. Why do women settle? Answ...
mtnndeww
21 y
2,068
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Thanks mtnndeww!!!
MNASH
21 y
2,083
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Sounds to me like you started out on the right tra...
dmk10
21 y
2,320
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Expand this whole thread (3 messages)
A clue, thank you geraH20 21 y 2,588
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A clue, thank you
I can't remember who posted it, but I read a message from someone regarding the lack of a sexual relationship with his wife, and the effects it has had--how he is now having sex with someone else, etc. What I remember most is how he said that although he may be betraying his marriage and his wife now, SHE betrayed the marriage and him by neglecting him, etc. That posting has resonated with me, very deeply. I feel betrayed. My husband is not being faithful to our marriage and/or my needs. I have been kind of posting here and there about my situation and I appreciate feedback bigtime. Maybe he is just not man enough for me. Maybe he is just petty. Could he possibly be THAT hurt that, knowing how I feel about the whole thing, totally deny any affection and intimacy whatsoever? It is getting to the point where I kind of don't want what he's got, even if he did want me. What a pathetic statement and situation. Jesus Christ. Did I mention I am smart and hot? hahahaha-
gera, I am almost clueless myself! You sound so ce...
grog
21 y
2,046
This is a reply to # 595,143
gera, I am almost clueless myself! You sound so centered and awake. Caring, loving, introspective and hot too! You seem to have so much to offer that I can’t believe he could be so cold. You may h ....
gera, I am almost clueless myself! You sound so centered and awake. Caring, loving, introspective and hot too! You seem to have so much to offer that I can't believe he could be so cold. You may have made a few mistakes but look how much effort you put into changing that. He may not be literally unfaithful but in a sense he is for breaking vows or promises to be compassionate understanding and forgiving He seems to be the one with issues that need to be worked out. He also seems to be the one not making an effort!-
I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am...
geraH20
21 y
1,995
This is a reply to # 595,154
I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am at now is to take a look at where we are at---he is really a cool guy, smart, artistic, driven, inspiring, responsible--I can’t overlook how much ....
I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am at now is to take a look at where we are at---he is really a cool guy, smart, artistic, driven, inspiring, responsible--I can't overlook how much he has added to my life. A new twist: he wants to re-join the army (national guard) with hopes of getting deployed to Iraq. Hard not to take it a little personal, but he is doing it for the benefits and good ol' American pride. He misses it I guess, though it has been like 15 years since he was in. Given all that we have or haven't done in our short marriage, it is disturbing that we are in the midst of trying to lay our own groundwork and he wants to leave. I don't know. This wild wild life...How are you?
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I appreciate your input, grog. I guess where I am...
geraH20
21 y
1,995
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gera, I am almost clueless myself! You sound so ce...
grog
21 y
2,046
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